Having a bad day.....

I would like to go somewhere I've never been before. Do something I've never done before. I just don't know what or where. Sometimes I just want to step out of my life and experience something new and different. But it seems like every time that happens...it's never easy. The only time I ever get to experience something new or different is on a mission trip. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to go on them. I love sharing Jesus and seeing what He does in others lives.

I just want something new and different in my life. I want to rest, feel good, experience, enjoy without any worries. Well, I can tell you now...that will only happen in heaven. It's just not meant for me to have exciting, new experiences in this life. First off, we just don't have the money. Second, I can't really take the time off of work. Nick can't either since he lost his job and had to start all over.

I have REALLY struggled this year with not having. Not getting to do what others do. All year it's been a battle. Satan sure knows how to attack me. My old crucified self knows how to attack me.

I list all the good things I have. I surely am blessed. Then I think...well...others have those same things and more. But...God. I just remind myself I need Jesus,not stuff. Jesus, remind me that also. Then I get fearful..."Well, I better not sound ungrateful or God will take away all those good things." I don't know. I'm just being silly.

Flesh

This is what God spoke to me this morning, "Starla, for two weeks you have complained to Me and moped about all the things you don't have or do get to do. "You lust and do not have. You are envious and cannot obtain. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Behold, the pay of the laborers who mowed YOUR fields, and which has been withheld by YOU, cries out against you; and the outcry of those who did the harvesting has reached the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth. You have lived luxuriously on the earth and led a life of wanton pleasure; you have fattened your hearts" and I still have children, your brothers and sisters in Me that are barely getting by. Who will I reward Starla? You, with your lust and envy or those who sacrifice to bring in the harvest?"

Dream, Dream, Dream

Have you ever had a day that you just wanted to RUN AWAY. We'll for some crazy reason today is that day for me. This whole week has been so...emotional. I'm not really emotional anymore(in the crazy, fleshly sense) but my old self wants to fight this week.

Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

I've lost my temper and my peace this week. I've felt short with so many of my loved ones. I have reacted to their moods, in turn causing me to be in a bad mood. To be who I am not.

Do you know what sounds heavenly right now? Me alone all week long. I would like a week to be all by myself. If I'm gonna dream, I'm gonna dream big. I would like to be a week alone at the beach. I'd like to stay in a beach house, filled with good food, good books and some good music. I'd like to walk on the beach, read on the beach...by myself. Honestly, I wouldn't even care to talk to anyone for a week. No cellphone, no tv. Just Jesus and me.

Is that selfish? Probably. I just need quite time alone. Life is so hard sometimes. Being a mother is so hard sometimes. Being a wife is so hard sometimes. I love my husband and I love my kids. I feel like I have been a good wife and mother. But I want to be alone. Just for a week. Just for a brief time.

I don't want to live by a clock or with my days all rush here and there in a blur. I don't want to clean anyone's house for a week (even mine), or do anyone's laundry for a week, or cook anyone dinner. I want eat what I want when I want, if I want. I don't want take care of ANYONE or ANYTHING for one week.

Seems as if I've been DOING since I was 9 years old. After mom died, my sisters moved on with their lives and moved out...so it was up to Karen and I to take care of the house and laundry from then on. We were 8 & 9.

In March of 1988, I turned 18. In May of '88 I graduated high school and started working. In July of 1988, I got married. In January of 1990, I had my first child. I've have always taken care of someone or something. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life. I truly am happy.

Sometimes, I just long for a break. Ah, I'm being silly. I adore Nick and the kids. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if all I had to take care of was me for a week. Mothers just don't take care of themselves. They are the ones that do without the haircuts, the clothes, the dentist appointments....any type of pampering and we do without so our kids can have what they need. We make do and become resourceful.

I do have great pleasure in my life. Running. Mornings alone. Pineapples, walnuts and dark chocolate before bed. My wonderful bathroom! My MP3 player. BOOKS! Flowerbeds. Gardening. Friends. I have a wonderful life. I truly do. I am blessed to know Jesus in an intimate way, an inward grace.

But sometimes...I just want to...do nothing. Or feel like I don't have to do nothing.

Well, Amen.

Back to where I belong!

Two and a half years ago our youth pastor, Will Gunter, spoke from Hebrews 12:1-2:

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I don't think I had ever really read those verses nor understood them. It wasn't until a year later that God greatly spoke to me through those verses.

See, I have a problem of letting things get to me. Whether it be worrying about the future, what someone says or does to hurt me, my kids, my husband, my family, paying bills, getting my house back in order, taking care of the yard, work, saving up money for extra things we need...the list is ENDLESS. Then my thoughts lead from one to another and before I know it my thoughts are like the little mouse on his spinning wheel. Over and over. Fear invades me and overwhelms me.

Before I know it, I've taken my eyes of Jesus and allowed myself to be encumbered, entangled and enslaved. To my Self, my thoughts, to circumstances, to the devil, to this world, to other people. To things I can not control. I like control. When I'm not in control, I am fearful.

But Jesus.

Jesus doesn't want me in control because if I am in control: I am god. He wants me fully, completely, wholly fixed on HIM. My hopes, dreams, thoughts, circumstances, future, present and even past. He wants to be my Life. Everything. My all in all.

Many times in the last year and a half, I've had to pray to get my eyes off of everything and everyone around me and BACK on Jesus. I believe that He is teaching me to live continually fixed on Him. That is what He wants from me continually, fixed on Him.

What is fixed on Him? Trusting Him. If He says He will provide for all my needs, do I trust that He will? Do I rest in Him, knowing He cares for me? He is my Author (my Beginner) and my Perfecter (He completes His good work IN me).

I am His joy. Yes, I am His joy. He endured the cross, shed His precious blood so that I, His joy, may be found compete, holy, free and righteous. He became my sin and paid my debt so that I may live an abundant and abiding life in Him.

Jesus, my Beloved, is sitting at the right hand of God AND living in me. How amazing is that? How can I possibly allow the crazy things of this world, and myself, to overwhelm me when the King of kings, makes me His dwelling place in me? He has made me ALIVE because He lives His Life in and through me! That is REAL life!

Overwhelmed? Fearful? Letting people or the world or the enemy of your soul get you down? Well, let me tell you. Christ Jesus has OVERCAME them all. Live NO longer encumbered, entangled or enslaved because YOU have been set free if you have trusted and received the Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Jesus to fix you, from the INSIDE out, back on Him!

Father, reveal to me Jesus. I no longer want to live encumbered, entangled or enslaved to any one or any thing. I want to know Jesus fully and completely. You are the only One who can remove the veil. You are the only One who can teach me and anoint me with Truth. I want to be fixed on Jesus- body, soul and spirit. Thank you for being Faithful and True. Amen!

Quick Update

I am still running. I had been running up to 5 miles a couple of times a week but it was putting too much stress on my left ankle. So, I got a slight sprained ankle. I took ibuprofen, iced it, brown paper-vinegar wrapped it, soaked it in epsom salt. It's much better. I am trying to run a 5K (3.1) every other day and sprints on the days I do not run the 5K. My ankle is holding up. Yesterday I ran the course at Dorman with two of my friends that are going to run Zebras. Nick and I are going back today.

The ministries at White Pines and Upstate Evaluation Center are going SO well! I thank God for allowing me to be apart of this ministry. I love those boys. I am praying they have the revelation of Jesus Christ! Oh, what I know He wants to do in and through them!

My dad's new wife, Sharon, has been diagnosed with cancer in her lung. She is going to have a PET scan on Tuesday. They have only been married since January 23rd. Please pray for them. I am praying God heals her so they can have a long and happy marriage. I will blog about this more another time, but right now I have to get ready for church.

My soul overflows with love for my Lord Jesus Christ and my beloved Father in heaven. Such beautiful love. I feel His love wash in me and through me. There is no greater joy than this Love.

My family is well. Nick is working, we almost have all of our tax money saved (thank You, God!), Allison and Ben are on spring break this week, Cody has a slight fever but ran the mile in 5:14 this week, Johnie helped Nick clean the fence row out. We've got a lot of work to do around here this spring and summer. We didn't get to do a lot last year because Nick didn't have a job so this year is catch up. Paint the deck, the patio steps, stucco around the house. Almost time to get my garden ready. We've got to get gravel for the drive and a new liner for the pool. A cover for the hot tub. Oh dear, so much to save up for!

Johnie has an appointment with the dentist and dermatologist in the next month. So thankful for dental insurance but since we have no health insurance we have to pay for the dermatologist.

"How can you send up to Him a prayer for His grace, with a restriction that He must only send it by a channel demanding no sacrifice on your part? - Fenelon"

I am not complaining, nor want any to feel bad for us. I want to know my Lord in deep, intimate fellowship and oneness. How can that be when everything in my life is all well? When we have no financial, physical, and/or emotional difficulties then we cannot truly trust and rest in Jesus. We must have these things. We must have circumstances and situations that demand dependence on Him. Otherwise, where is our faith and hope? Where can we look to? Our Self. I just can not take that burden any more of depending on my Self. I choose to cast my cares, anxieties, burdens and weariness on my Jesus. Only He is worthy to destroy them. I'd rather be in His loving arms and care than mine.

Love to you all.

Times by Tenth Avenue North

Video: Times by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAVHeVDML5k&feature=related

Artist: Tenth Avenue North
Song: Times

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

As You Are Married

This poem was given to me by a woman named Barbara Beatty. She was the pianist at Rheber Church of the Nazarene, the church I grew up in and where Nick and I were married. Barbara gave me this poem...it's on a little card...and I have carried it with me every day since we were married. Nick and I were married for 12 years before we came to Christ...yet I carried this little poem with me. These last 7 years it means so much more to me because I UNDERSTAND what it means! And still I carry it...ragged and all.

AS YOU ARE MARRIED BY DARLENE BLACKMON

Paul said 'tis a mystery

How two are joined as one,

We may not ever understand

Exactly how it's done.

A man must leave his

childhood home

To take to him a wife;

With new goals and direction,

New purpose now for life.

As the two of you are married,

With new doors now to enter,

Just build your home

upon the Rock

And make Christ

the Lord, the center.

So it's been a bit since I posted. I have ran quite a bit but my old sprain has re-sprained on left ankle so I only ran 1.5 on Friday, none on Saturday but did run the course at Dorman today (3.1). I feel better. Wrapped my foot in brown paper and vinegar for awhile.

My Sunday School teacher said something today that I love, "Broken vessels are all God can use." Amen to that. I am a broken vessel. Broken of self-effort and will. Broken of trying to be somebody for Jesus. But I do know that I must REMAIN a broken vessel. My heart must be soft and pliable to my God. I personally do not believe that God will allow us to continue where we are...either we grow hard to the things He wants to speak in and through us and we must be broken again OR we are broken and continually being filled by the Living Water. When we are continually being filled by Him, being taught and anointed by Him, that is when we grow in spiritual wisdom. It's a fine line at times, the flesh and the spirit!

Is your heart still soft and pliable? Brokenness allows His Spirit to heal you...fill you...renew you. If not, ask God to renew His steadfast Spirit within you. Ask God to BREAK you heart. This is deep and internal.

Oh the joy of a broken spirit. Because then His Spirit fills you.

THURSDAY!!!!!

It's Thursday! I LOVE Thursdays because I get to go down to Camp White Pines and UEC! I love going down and seeing these boys but most of all telling them about my beloved Jesus! Oh how I love to share Him! Especially to boys that have NEVER been to church or really even heard of Jesus. Yes, here in America that is so true. Only Jesus can TRULY set the captive free. Free from sin, Satan, death, self and the world. ONLY JESUS! Pray that they trust and believe in Him. Pray their spirit is reborn! The healed life (only Jesus can truly heal the broken) is absolutely amazing to see!

Are you set free? Are you healed? Are you born again?

Sweetly Broken

Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyJuKHvoPGc&feature=related

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You've called me out of death
You've called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I'm reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

(2xs)
Chorus:

Thoughts

I wanted to put some quotes up from my friend's facebook status.

VG....is thinking that 'religionized flesh' is just as bad as 'secularized flesh.' And either way, "the mind set on the flesh is death." (Roman 8:6). Now that's a mouthful to chew...

VG... "The ministry of One-Anothering doesn't require a platform, a pulpit, a building, a budget, or a Board. You can start immediately, with no training and with no experience, and you don't have to quit your job or do anything dramatic. You cannot be voted in, and you cannot be voted out. The Life you possess qualifies you... to be in the full-time ministry of One-Anothering. Your wounds are your credentials." ~Chip Brogden

VG... "If you're burning out, you're trying to do more than God: "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matt 11:30) ~ Andrew Farley

Recently I have felt like I am being swallowed whole. I don't know why. I just have felt...honestly, I can't explain how I have felt. Mixed up? There are several reasons but the biggest has been the church. Not the church I attend, I mean, the church as a whole.

There are so many opinions about everything to do with the church, the Bible and God. How we do things, why we do things, where we do things. I am overwhelmed by...the church. We make it so much more than about Jesus.

I am sick to death of discussions. Predestination, free will, choice, universalism, election, grace....and it's ALL MAN'S OPINION. Then you get into HOW to do church: the music has to be contemporary, or traditional. It HAS to MOVE you, make you FEEL something. One thing that REALLY irks me is when they call the music, "Worship". Umm, no, worship is bowing our hearts to God. It's not HOW- it's deep, personal, intimate. It is INSIDE. Worship is serving, giving, praying, singing, forgiving, loving, caring for others, encouraging others...worship is a lifestyle. Gratitude, humbleness before our Creator. It's flows from our our pouring of love to our Jesus. Worship is Matthew 5-7. Worship of and to our God is from the inside out. We can't cause worship from the outside in. Well, anyway.

I don't know why I get so frustrated. I look to these churches and wonder what God thinks. I am going to admit something. God has spoken to me personally, not in the loudness of "going to church" but in the quietness of my spirit, when I am alone with Him. It has been in the breeze not the fire He speaks with me. Many times over the years I have sat in church and prayed, "I am sorry, Lord that we have made all this about us. How we want to SHOW." I wonder if God thinks, "You want to show Me worship? You want to show Me love? Well then:

Matthew 5
1SEEING THE crowds, He went up on the mountain; and when He was seated, His disciples came to Him.

2Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

3Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the poor in spirit (the humble, who rate themselves insignificant), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!

4Blessed and enviably happy [with a happiness produced by the experience of God's favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His matchless grace] are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted!

5Blessed (happy, blithesome, joyous, spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the meek (the mild, patient, long-suffering), for they shall inherit the earth!

6Blessed and fortunate and happy and spiritually prosperous (in that state in which the born-again child of God enjoys His favor and salvation) are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God), for they shall be completely satisfied!

7Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy!

8Blessed (happy, enviably fortunate, and spiritually prosperous--possessing the happiness produced by the experience of God's favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His grace, regardless of their outward conditions) are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!

9Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the sons of God!

10Blessed and happy and enviably fortunate and spiritually prosperous (in the state in which the born-again child of God enjoys and finds satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of his outward conditions) are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake (for being and doing right), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!

11Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of your outward conditions) are you when people revile you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil things against you falsely on My account.

12Be glad and supremely joyful, for your reward in heaven is great (strong and intense), for in this same way people persecuted the prophets who were before you. [II Chron. 36:16.]

13You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste (its strength, its quality), how can its saltness be restored? It is not good for anything any longer but to be thrown out and trodden underfoot by men.

14You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

15Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a peck measure, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

16Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven.

17Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the Law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them.

18For truly I tell you, until the sky and earth pass away and perish, not one smallest letter nor one little hook [identifying certain Hebrew letters] will pass from the Law until all things [it foreshadows] are accomplished.

19Whoever then breaks or does away with or relaxes one of the least [important] of these commandments and teaches men so shall be called least [important] in the kingdom of heaven, but he who practices them and teaches others to do so shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

20For I tell you, unless your righteousness (your uprightness and your right standing with God) is more than that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

21You have heard that it was said to the men of old, You shall not kill, and whoever kills shall be liable to and unable to escape the punishment imposed by the court.

22But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice (enmity of heart) against him shall be liable to and unable to escape the punishment imposed by the court; and whoever speaks contemptuously and insultingly to his brother shall be liable to and unable to escape the punishment imposed by the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, You cursed fool! [You empty-headed idiot!] shall be liable to and unable to escape the hell (Gehenna) of fire.

23So if when you are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you,

24Leave your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift.

25Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way traveling with him, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.

26Truly I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last fraction of a penny.

27You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery.

28But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

29If your right eye serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, pluck it out and throw it away. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be cast into hell (Gehenna).

30And if your right hand serves as a trap to ensnare you or is an occasion for you to stumble and sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better that you lose one of your members than that your entire body should be cast into hell (Gehenna).

31It has also been said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.

32But I tell you, Whoever dismisses and repudiates and divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unfaithfulness (sexual immorality), causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who has been divorced commits adultery.

33Again, you have heard that it was said to the men of old, You shall not swear falsely, but you shall perform your oaths to the Lord [as a religious duty].

34But I tell you, Do not bind yourselves by an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is the throne of God;

35Or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.

36And do not swear by your head, for you are not able to make a single hair white or black.

37Let your Yes be simply Yes, and your No be simply No; anything more than that comes from the evil one.

38You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.

39But I say to you, Do not resist the evil man [who injures you]; but if anyone strikes you on the right jaw or cheek, turn to him the other one too.

40And if anyone wants to sue you and take your undershirt (tunic), let him have your coat also.

41And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two [miles].

42Give to him who keeps on begging from you, and do not turn away from him who would borrow [at interest] from you.

43You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy;

44But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

45To show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the wicked and on the good, and makes the rain fall upon the upright and the wrongdoers [alike].

46For if you love those who love you, what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that?

47And if you greet only your brethren, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles (the heathen) do that?

48You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 6
1TAKE CARE not to do your good deeds publicly or before men, in order to be seen by them; otherwise you will have no reward [reserved for and awaiting you] with and from your Father Who is in heaven.

2Thus, whenever you give to the poor, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites in the synagogues and in the streets like to do, that they may be recognized and honored and praised by men. Truly I tell you, they have their reward in full already.

3But when you give to charity, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,

4So that your deeds of charity may be in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret will reward you openly.

5Also when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by people. Truly I tell you, they have their reward in full already.

6But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.

7And when you pray, do not heap up phrases (multiply words, repeating the same ones over and over) as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. [I Kings 18:25-29.]

8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

9Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.

10Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

11Give us this day our daily bread.

12And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors.

13And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

14For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

15But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

16And whenever you are fasting, do not look gloomy and sour and dreary like the hypocrites, for they put on a dismal countenance, that their fasting may be apparent to and seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full already.

17But when you fast, perfume your head and wash your face,

18So that your fasting may not be noticed by men but by your Father, Who sees in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.

19Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal.

20But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal;

21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

22The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your entire body will be full of light.

23But if your eye is unsound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the very light in you [your conscience] is darkened, how dense is that darkness!

24No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions, or whatever is trusted in).

25Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?

26Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?

27And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life?

28And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin.

29Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his magnificence (excellence, dignity, and grace) was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7.]

30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith?

31Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?

32For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.

33But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

34So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Matthew 7
1DO NOT judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves.

2For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you.

3Why do you stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother's eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam of timber that is in your own eye?

4Or how can you say to your brother, Let me get the tiny particle out of your eye, when there is the beam of timber in your own eye?

5You hypocrite, first get the beam of timber out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the tiny particle out of your brother's eye.

6Do not give that which is holy (the sacred thing) to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before hogs, lest they trample upon them with their feet and turn and tear you in pieces.

7Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.

8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.

9Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for a loaf of bread, will hand him a stone?

10Or if he asks for a fish, will hand him a serpent?

11If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!

12So then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, even so do also to and for them, for this is (sums up) the Law and the Prophets.

13Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it.

14But the gate is narrow (contracted by pressure) and the way is straitened and compressed that leads away to life, and few are those who find it.

15Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed as sheep, but inside they are devouring wolves.

16You will fully recognize them by their fruits. Do people pick grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles?

17Even so, every healthy (sound) tree bears good fruit [worthy of admiration], but the sickly (decaying, worthless) tree bears bad (worthless) fruit.

18A good (healthy) tree cannot bear bad (worthless) fruit, nor can a bad (diseased) tree bear excellent fruit [worthy of admiration].

19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and cast into the fire.

20Therefore, you will fully know them by their fruits.

21Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven.

22Many will say to Me on that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name and driven out demons in Your name and done many mighty works in Your name?

23And then I will say to them openly (publicly), I never knew you; depart from Me, you who act wickedly [disregarding My commands].

24So everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts upon them [obeying them] will be like a sensible (prudent, practical, wise) man who built his house upon the rock.

25And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

26And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a stupid (foolish) man who built his house upon the sand.

27And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell--and great and complete was the fall of it.

28When Jesus had finished these sayings [the Sermon on the Mount], the crowds were astonished and overwhelmed with bewildered wonder at His teaching,

29For He was teaching as One Who had [and was] authority, and not as [did] the scribes."


I think that's what God would say. I think that's how He describes abiding in Him. I think that brings about true worship. I think He finds these things pleasing.

3.1 My legs are numb. Nuff said.

Happy 41st Birthday Nick!

I can't hardly believe it! Nick is 41!

Nick and I met right before his 17th birthday. I thought he was cute. He as so cocky. At the small high school we attended they actually announced birthdays early in the morning. I can remember seeing him in the hallway, down next to Mrs. Tucker's room and wishing him a Happy Birthday. I can still picture exactly where we were and how we looked at each other.

And now 24 birthdays have passed. Wow. It's so hard to believe that time passes so quickly. Surely it is a blink of an eye. Now WE have a 17 year old son. Cody looks like Nick, he's built like Nick was at 17. He even has a mop of hair like Nick did. Just a few short months after that Nick, in between his junior and senior year of high school, went off to basic training for the Army Reserves at Fort Campbell, Ky. He came back a different young man.

I am thankful for all the years Nick and I have had together. It's only through the Lord Jesus Christ we have made it this far. I give God the glory for saving our marriage.

ACNE

When I was a teenager I didn't have acne. After I had the kids, I did. So I've battled acne for 15 years or so. Now, Johnie, my 15 year old has acne. Allison, Cody or Nick for that matter has never really had acne. But Johnie is so fair-skinned and he's really broke out. I've tried SO many things on his face, and mine!

I have found something. Sulfur soap. I ordered one bar to try it out, and I like it. I just ordered a dozen bars for $30. I know that's a lot but it's the cheapest per bar I can find. This is the seller I bought from on ebay.

http://cgi.ebay.com/SULFUR-SOAP-ACNE-INEXPENSIVE-TREATMENT-MEDICATED-U-S-A_W0QQitemZ260368075371QQcategoryZ0QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp4012.m506QQ_trkparmsZalgo%3DNGRI%26its%3DI%26itu%3DUA%26otn%3D12%26ps%3D63%26clkid%3D7908710408827057381

I also ordered, off ebay, Proactive Refining Mask. This, too, has sulfur in it. I just lightly put it on Johnie's face and he's keeps it on all night. His face looked good this morning. I hope this works, I feel so bad for him.

WHAT WAS THAT CLANGING IN THE DRYER?

My cellphone. Uggg! I washed my cellphone. The card still works so I put it in another phone, so maybe when my phone dries out it will work.

I am also very much enjoying the Pocket Thin Amplified Bible. You can pick one up at Christian Supply in Spartanburg.

Off to work I go!

Training...LOL

I'm in training. LOL. I really am. I decided last year that I really wanted to run in Zebras. Also, I wanted to run a 5k before I was 40. The 1st and 2nd year of Zebra's was in April. As it would go, it is in March this year, 2 weeks BEFORE my 40th birthday! So IN training I am! I had ran some last summer...and into the fall. Then it got cold and I just DIDN'T make the time to run (ummm...mine is more like a jog LOL!).

In January I made a schedule to start with a half a mile a week and build on that. On January 29th I ran a half mile. I figure through the week I will build up to the next half mile. But...once I get started I push myself. This coming Saturday, February 20th, I should be up to running 2 miles. BUT...

Yesterday I ran two miles.
Today I ran 3.4! It was such a good run! My course:

Driving Directions from 270 Bagwell Dr Pauline, South Carolina to 2702 State Route 56 Pauline, South Carolina

I went up past Bagwell Drive and back down to 270 Bagwell Dr. (which is the acre of land we bought behind our house.) Check out the aerial version...it's pretty cool!

What better reason to run that to run for those that can't?

http://zebrasdoexist.com/

"The 3rd Annual Zebras Do Exist 5K Run/Walk is a charity event to raise support for the medical bills of two local families affected by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). We are also supporting the Chiari & Syringomyelia Foundation (www.csfinfo.org), a national advocacy, education, and research group.

EDS is an inherited connective tissue disorder that can manifest itself with severe spinal instability and brain deformation. As a result, extensive spinal and brain surgeries are performed to help with symptoms. You can visit www.medicalzebras.com to learn more about EDS. Since insurance does not cover most of the surgery cost and none of the travel expense, these families have financial needs that you can help meet."

I have decided to take some time away from yahoo email and facebook. I just needed to clear all the voices out. Simply, I just need to hear Jesus. That's all. Just Jesus.

Oh how I love Him so!

My Life

You know, we may live this whole life with no earthly rewards of any kind. For those of us that know and love God, who live our lives trusting and abiding in Him, we may not have that big nice house, that new car, that wonderful vacation, those fine clothes, those delicious foods. (Although some abiding Christians do, but for the most part, most don't have these things.)

We may live from day to day, week to week...just barely getting by.

Why do I post this? I look around me and I think, you know, if I work harder...I can get those things. If I set my mind to it, I could go back to college and get a better job and make more money. I COULD have all those things. But do I really want them? What would I be sacrificing for them?


My time.

The couple of hours I spend alone in the morning add up to a whole lot more than 2 weeks vacation...any where.

The time, nesting in my house. Straightening this, cleaning that, moving this. Dawdling and piddling. Cooking supper, doing laundry, vacuuming, cleaning windows. I could pay someone else to do that for my family. I do that for other people now.

Time with my church family, with believers. Intermingling our lives together. Encouraging, building up, strengthening each other. Loving one another, holding one another.

Time in ministry. Sharing Jesus with young men in jail. This is my heart. This is Jesus living in and through me. Sharing His love, compassion, grace and mercy. He is my Joy and I want everyone else to know Joy.

Time just being a mother to my kids. Time just being in the house with them, riding to church with them, talking to them, serving them...just being HERE. I didn't have that and that is the most important thing to me.

Time to be Nick's wife. To share our life together. All of our life together. Day in and day out. It's so comforting to know he is right here. With me every step of the way. To know he loves me SO very much. To know that he puts me first and I him. To love this same man since I was 15 years old. To watch him grow from a 17 year old boy to one that is almost 41 year old man. We have lived and shared LIFE and LOVE together.

Would I sacrifice any of these precious things for anything this world has to offer? No, I won't.

This is my life. MINE to live. MINE blessed by God. Any other life is not the path and plan directed by God. Nor do I put down those that have chosen a different path and plan different than mine...because that just may be the one God has them on.

A time will come when I will stand before my Jesus at His Judgment Seat. I WILL be rewarded for the deeds done in this life. What is the thing Christ has called us to? To abide in Him. He is my Vine and I am His branch. Apart from Him, I can do nothing. My life is His to will and please. I REALLY would rather have Jesus than silver or gold. I don't WANT to live this life if He is not my main focus, if I in Him and He in me, is not the goal of my life. He is my number one. Period. And all other things will flow from Him.

Psalm 45:10
Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father's house;

From Michael Wells, "Untold Stories and Unknown Saints"

From Michael Wells, "Untold Stories and Unknown Saints"

"The air conditioning broke down and we had to open the windows. There was one main window through which the greatest breeze blew. It must have been really nice, for a fellow immediately got up, stood in front of it, and blocked the breeze for the rest of us. Legalists are that way; they never allow the cool breeze of the Holy Spirit to wash across the people. In their greed to have some sort of a kingdom, they block the word of God. They find a little comfort at the expense of everyone else."

Amen.

Well, it's been a lazy, icy day here in South Carolina. I am so ready for spring!!! Since all my plans were changed because of the bad weather, I decided to get all my tax stuff together.

Looks like we are going to pay this year. For the first time in our marriage...in 21 years! Why? We had a tough year last year financially because Nick lost his job...and now we are to pay. Well, amen.

Michael Wells says there is always something to keep us abiding in Christ. Amen. He is my Sustainer. He holds all things together. Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

He has been absolutely faithful! I am looking forward to see how He's going to come up with this money before April 15th! Thank You, my Jesus. Yes, I would rather have You and Your nearness than the false security of this world.

March 10th- Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

My righteous one will live by faith. (Hebrews 10:38)

Often our feelings and emotions are mistakenly substituted for faith. Pleasurable emotions and deep, satisfying experiences are part of the Christian life, but they are not the essence of it. Trials, conflicts, battles and testings lie along the way and are to be counted not as misfortunes but rather as part of our discipline.

In all of these various experiences, we are to rely on the indwelling of Christ in our hearts, regardless of our feelings, as we walk obediently before Him. And this is where many Christians get into trouble. They try to walk by feelings rather than by faith.

A believer once related that it seemed as if God had totally withdrawn Himself from her. His mercy seemed completely gone. Her loneliness lasted for six weeks, until the heavenly Lover seemed to say to her, "You have looked for Me in the outside world of emotions, yet all the while I have been waiting inside for you. Meet Me now in the inner chamber of your spirit, for I am there."

Be sure to distinguish between the fact of God's presence and the feeling of the fact. It is actually a wonderful thing when our soul feels lonely and deserted, as long as our faith can say, "I do not see You, Lord, nor do I feel Your presence, but I know for certain You are graciously here- exactly where I am and aware of my circumstances." Remind yourself again and again with these words: "Lord, You are here. And though the bush before me does not seem to burn, it does burn. I will take the shoes from my feet, 'for the place where [I am] standing is holy ground'". Exodus 3:5 London Christian

Trust God's Word and His power more than your trust your own feelings and experiences. Remember, your Rock is Christ, and it is the sea that ebbs and flows with the tides, not Him. Samuel Rutherford

Keep your eyes firmly fixed on the infinite greatness of Christ's finished work and His righteousness. Look to Jesus and believe- look to Jesus and live! In fact, as you look to Him, unfurl your sails and bravely face the raging storms on the sea of life. Do not exhibit your distrust by staying in the security of the calm harbor or by sleeping comfortably through your life of ease. Do not allow your life and emotions to be tossed back and forth against each other like ships idly moored at port. The Christian life is not one of listless brooding over our emotions or slowly drifting our keel of faith through shallow water. Nor is it one of dragging our anchor of hope through the settling mud of the bay, as if we were afraid of encountering a healthy breeze.

Sail away! Spread your sail toward the storm and trust in Him who rules the raging seas. A brightly colored bird is safest when in flight. If it's nest is near the ground or if it flies too low, it exposes itself to the hunter's net or trap. In the same way, if we cower in the lowlands of feelings and emotions, we will find ourselves entangled in a thousand nets of doubt, despair, temptation and unbelief. "How useless to spread a net in full view of ALL THE BIRDS!" (Proverbs 1:17) "Put your hope in God" (Psalm 42:5) J.R. Macduff

When I cannot feel the faith of assurance, I live by the fact of God's faithfulness. Matthew Henry

PRAY WITHOUT CEASING

"Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). There is a great difference between prayer and the life of prayer. Almost everyone prays, but very few pray without ceasing. This is the habit of devotion. This is the altar of incense ever burning in the Holy Place. This is the fragrance of a heart that lives in the presence of the Holy One, and breathes the very life of God. This is the deep undertone of a sanctified life. It is from this that the sweetness, the gladness, the holiness, and the helpfulness come. Lord, teach us the habit of prayer, the prayer that springs spontaneously from the heart, and which neither secular duty, satanic temptation, nor the waves of sorrow, can interrupt, but which is only stimulated by the things that try us, until every experience becomes transformed into an occasion for communion and fellowship with God.

--A. B. Simpson

The Power of the Cross by Stuart Townend & Keith Getty

Verse 1
Oh to see the dawn of the darkest day
Christ on the road to calvary
Tried by sinful men, torn and beaten then
Nailed to a cross of wood

Chorus 1
This the pow’r of the cross
Christ became sin for us
Took the blame, bore the wrath
We stand forgiven at the cross

Verse 2
Oh to see the pain written on Your face
Bearing the awesome weight of sin
Ev’ry bitter thought, ev’ry evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow

Verse 3
Now the daylight flees, now the ground beneath
Quakes as its maker bows his head
Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life
‘Finished!’ the vict’ry cry.

Verse 4
Oh to see my name written in the wound
For through Your suf‘fring I am free
Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live
Won through Your selfless love

Chorus 2
This the pow’r of the cross
Son of God slain for us
What a life, what a cost
We stand forgiven at the cross

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubGCISQQ7Zo

Psalm 46:5"God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved." When God is the center of a soul, although disasters may crowd in on all sides and roar like the waves of the sea, there is a constant calm within. The world can neither give nor take away this kind of peace. What is it that causes people to shake like leaves today at the first hint of danger? It is simply the lack of God living in their soul, and having the world in their hearts.- Streams in the Desert January 29th

Rest

Several months ago when Nick was working in Aiken, he was having a very difficult time. He hated either staying there all night or being at the least an hour and half away from us. I have a little plastic box shaped like a loaf of bread, called the Bread of Life. In this Bread of life are Bible verses. One day, I withdrew the verse, "My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." Exodus 33:14.

I put the little verse on Nick's bedside table. A reminder that Jesus is always with Him and when He trusts in Him, he will find rest.

That little verse stays on Nick's table.

A few weeks ago, I ordered Mrs. L.B. Cowmans devotional book, Springs in the Valley. I've read some of it but the devotional book I read everyday is Streams in the Desert that she also wrote.

This morning, I was reading some of Springs when I decided to read February 17th, Nick's birthday. Isn't this SO like God?

Springs in the Valley by Mrs. L.B. Cowman
February 17th

"My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." Exodus 33:14.

What is rest?

To step out of self-life into Christ-life; to lie and let Him lift you out of it; to fold your hands close and hide your face on the hem of His garment; to let Him lay His cooling, soothing, healing hands upon your soul and draw all the hurry and fever from it's veins; to realize that you are not a mighty messenger, an important worker of His, full of care and responsibility, but only a little child with a Father's gently bidding to heed and fulfill; to lay your busy hands and ambitions confidently in His hands, as a child brings it's broken toys at his mother's call; to serve Him by waiting; to praise Him by saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy;" to cease to hurry, so you may not lose sight of His face; to learn to follow Him and not to run ahead of orders! To cease to live in self and for self, and to live in Him and for Him; to love His honor more than your own; to be a clear medium for His life-tide to shine and glow through. This is consecration, this is rest.

Thou sweet, beloved will of God
My anchor ground, my fortress hill
My spirit's silent, fair abode,
In Thee I hide me and am still.

Thou beautiful, sweet will, my God,
Holds fast in its sublime embrace
My captive will, a gladsome bird,
Prison'd in such a realm of grace.

Upon God's will I lay me down,
As child upon it's mother's breast
No silken couch, nor softest bed,
Could ever give me such deep rest.
-Tersteegen

Death, where is thy sting?

In an email to a friend about death.


"I don't think one ever gets over a physical death. I don't think we are meant to. God created us NOT knowing death so death is actually unnatural to us. I know that sounds kind of odd but think about it. When God created Adam and Eve, He didn't create them to die but to live. It was their sin that caused them to come to know death. They actually experienced TWO deaths. A spiritual death and a physical death. Just like God is a triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) so we are triune, we are body (flesh, blood and bones), soul (mind, will and emotions) and spirit (conscienceness of God, intuition of God and communion with God). He breathed in them His breath of Life, His Spirit, which created a spirit in them. When they sinned, His Spirit left them and their spirit...died. So their children, (all of us), are born with dead spirits. If you read John 3, Jesus tells Nicodemas that the spirit is born of the Spirit, born again. What was dead (our spirit) is now made alive. When we trust and believe in Jesus, He places His Spirit in us and makes our spirit alive. Romans 6 is great about all of this. So we are back (reconciled, reunited) to where we should have been originally (before the fall). We are now natural. But sin has it's consequences and our physical body will still die. But we will never experience real death because of Jesus..who He is, what He has done for us (reconciled us to God, reunited with God, redeemed our soul)..He brought us back to the right relationship with God. It is our soul, our soul is our mind (thinker), will (chooser) and emotions (feeler), with which we choose to believe in Jesus...John 3:16.

But the gospel is so much more than God rescuing us from the dominion of darkness and transferring us in the kingdom of His Son. (Colossians 1:13).

Check out Galatians 2:20 and Colossians 1:26-27. It was revealed to Paul that not only did Jesus die for us and rise for us (overcome sin and death)....He places His very Life inside of us. That how we are His body. His physical body. The church, His people, are His physical body! He dwells within us. John 15.

Amen and amen! That is how we live this Christian life! Apart from Him, we can do nothing. He lives it through us. In and through us. Wow!"

From Streams in the Desert, January 18th

If there is a great trial in your life today, do not acknowledge it as defeat. Instead continue by faith to claim the victory through Him who is able to make you "more than conquerors" (Romans 8:37), and a glorious victory will soon be apparent. May we learn that in all the difficult places God takes us (or allows us to go), He is giving us opportunities to exercise our faith in Him that will bring about blessed results and greatly glorify His name.

Only the soul that knows the mighty grief
Can know the mighty rapture. Sorrows come
To stretch out spaces in the heart for joy.

From Streams in the Desert, January 16th

A furious squall came up. (Mark 4:37)

Some of life's storms- a great sorrow, a bitter disappointment, a crushing defeat- suddenly come upon us. Others may come slowly, appearing on the uneven edge of the horizon no larger than a person's hand. But trouble that seems so insignificant spreads until it covers the sky and overwhelms us.

Yet it is in the storms that God equips us for service. When God wants an oak tree, He plants it where the storms will shake it and the rains will beat down upon it. It is in the midnight battle with the elements that the oak develops its rugged fiber and becomes the king of the forest.

When God wants to make a person He puts Him into some storm. The history of humankind has always been rough and rugged. No one is complete until he has been out into the surge of the storm and has found the glorious fulfillment of the prayer "O God, take me, break me, make me."

The beauties of nature come after the storm. The rugged beauty of the mountain is born in a storm, and the heroes of life are the storm-swept and battle-scarred.

You have been in the storms and swept by the raging winds. Have they left you broken, weary, and beaten in the valley or have they lifted you to the sunlit summits of a richer, deeper, more abiding manhood or womanhood? Have they left you with more sympathy for the storm-swept and the battle-scarred?

The oriental shepherd always walked ahead of his sheep. He was always out in front. Any attack upon the sheep had to take him into account first. Now God is out in front. He is in our tomorrows, and it is tomorrow that fills people with fear. Yet God is already there. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass through Him before they can get to us.- F.B. Meyer

God is in every tomorrow,
Therefore I live for today,
Certain of finding at sunrise,
Guidance and strength for my way;
Power for each moment of weakness,
Hope for each moment of pain,
Comfort for every sorrow,
Sunshine and joy after rain.

My Mom

I have missed my mom more in the last few weeks than I have in years. Oh, I miss her. There are times I lament over the fact that I never really knew her. I didn't know her favorite color, or even her eye color for that matter. I have very few pictures of her. I miss that my children have never had a grandmother that picked them up from school, stayed with them when they were sick, took them out and bought them an ice cream. I was 9 when Mom died and I missed a lot of mothering but my kids have never had a doting grandmother.

I question God, why couldn't things be different? Sorrow truly overwhelms me right now. I am desperately sad. But even in this sadness, I know...surely...I know...God has bigger things in store for what is causing me to miss my mom. I can hardly handle the situation. God has and is stripping away many things not of Him. I don't like WHO I am and how I behave because of this situation. It's like everything has turned me upside down and inside out.

I am the type I avoid whatever the situation is causing me so much inner chaos. This particular situation I do not speak of unless I have to. I am filled with such despair over it that I will not even put it out publicly what is going on. It's not a bad thing. To some it's wonderful. To me...I am horrified of the great change coming. And yes, it is coming. To some it's so silly how I am reacting. I know that I am not allowing Jesus to live in and through me.

I miss my mom. Why couldn't my mom and dad have a long married life together? Why couldn't we be celebrating their 40th anniversary this year instead of the 31st anniversary of her death? Why?

I am stronger than this because I have true Strength inside of me. I know I am letting my feelings and emotions overwhelm me. I know I am not fixing my eyes on Jesus but on the circumstance. I know all of that. But right now, I just WANT to mourn and miss my mom and what could have been.

January 10th- Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

Paul and his companions...[were] kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. (Acts 16:16)

It is interesting to study the way God extended His guidance to these early messengers of the Cross. It consisted mainly in prohibiting their movement when they attempted to take a course other than the right one. When they wanted to turn to the left, toward Asia, He stopped them. When they sought to turn to the right, toward Bithynia in Asia Minor, He stopped them again. In his later years, Paul would do some of his greatest work in that very region, yet now the door was closed before him by the Holy Spirit. The time was not yet ripe for the attack of these apparently impregnable bastions of the kingdom of Satan. Apollos needed to go there first to lay the groundwork. Paul and Barnabas were needed more urgently elsewhere and required further training before undertaking this responsible task.

Beloved, whenever you are in doubt as to which way to turn, submit your judgment absolutely to the Spirit of God, asking Him to shut every door but the right one. Say to Him, "Blessed Spirit, I give to You the entire responsibility of closing every road and stopping every step that is not of God. Let me hear Your voice behind me whenever I 'turn aside to the right or to the left' [Deut. 5:32]."

In the meantime, continue along the path you have already been traveling. Persist in your calling until you are clearly told to do something else. O traveler, the Spirit of Jesus is waiting to be to you what He was to Paul. Just be careful to obey even the smallest nudging or warning. Then after you have prayed the prayer of faith and there are no apparent hindrances, go forward with a confident heart. Do not be surprised if your answer comes in doors closing before you. But when doors are shut to the right and to the left, an open road is sure to lead to Troas. Luke waits for you there, and visions will point the way to where vast opportunities remain open, and faithful friends are waiting. from Paul, by F.B. Meyer

Is there some problem in your life to solve,
Some passage seeming full of mystery?
God knows, who brings the hidden things to light.
He keeps the key.

Is there some door closed by the Father's hand
Which widely opened you had hoped to see?
Trust God and wait- for when He shuts the door
He keeps the key.

Is there some earnest prayer unanswered yet,
or answered NOT as you had thought 'twould be?
God will make clear His purposes by and by.
He keeps the key.

Have patience with your God, your patient God,
All wise, all knowing, no long lingerer He,
And of the door of all your future life,
He keeps the key.

Unfailing comfort, sweet and blessed rest.
To know of EVERY door He keeps the key.
That He at last when just HE sees is best,
Will give it THEE.

Anonymous

The "Exchanged" Life

Association of Exchanged Life Ministries
Promoting awareness of the Believer’s Liberated Life in Christ

Did you realize that the "Exchanged Life"...
• is not a new teaching.
• is not sinless perfection.
• is not a life of passivity.
• is not a self-help teaching.
• is not an undisciplined life.
• is not a second work of grace.
• is not a counseling technique.
• is not an improved "old man."
• is not in any way deifying man.
• is not instant change in behavior.
• is not a formula for self to imitate Christ.
• is not peace through changed circumstances.
• is not dying to self (wiping out our personality).
• is not a guarantee that circumstances will improve.
• is not overlooking or approving sinful behavior (promoting license).
• is not a guarantee that emotions will line up consistently with truth.

Entire surrender to Jesus is the secret of perfect rest. Giving up one's whole life to Him, for Him alone to rule and order it; submitting to be led and taught, to learn of Him; abiding in Him, to be and do only what He wills- these are the conditions of discipleship without which there can be no thought of maintaining the rest that was bestowed on first coming to Christ. The rest is in Christ and not something He gives apart from Himself, and so it is only in having Him that the rest can really be kept and enjoyed.-

Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ

January 2nd- Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

Ezekiel 41:7 (New American Standard Bible)

7 The side chambers surrounding the temple were wider at each successive story. Because the structure surrounding the temple went upward by stages on all sides of the temple, therefore the width of the temple increased as it went higher; and thus one went up from the lowest story to the highest by way of the second story.

Still upward be your onward course;
For this I pray today;
Still upward as the years go by,
And seasons pass away.

Still upward in this coming year,
Your path is all untried;
Still upward may you journey on,
Close by your Savior's side.

Still upward although sorrow come,
And trials crush your heart;
Still upward may they draw your soul,
With Christ to walk apart.

Still upward till the day shall break,
And shadows all have flown;
Still upward till in Heaven you wake,
And stand before the throne.


We should never be content to rest in the mists of the valley when the Mount Tabor awaits us. How pure is the dew of the hills, how fresh is the mountain air, how rich the food and drink of those who dwell above, whose windows look into the New Jerusalem! Many saints are content to live like people in coal mines, who never see the sun. Tears sadden their faces when they could be anointed with heavenly oil. Ia m convinced that many believers suffer in a dungeon when they could walk on a palace roof, viewing the lush landscape and Lebanon. Wake up, believers, from your lowly condition! Throw away your laziness, sluggishness, coldness, or whatever is interfering with your pure love of Christ. Make Him the Source, the Center, and the One who encompasses every delight of your soul. Refuse to be satisfied any longer with your meager accomplishments. Aspire to a higher, a nobler, and a fuller life. Upward to heaven! Nearer to God!- Charles H. Spurgeon

I want to scale the utmost heights,
And catch a gleam of glory bright;
But still I'll pray, till heaven I've found,
Lord, lead me on to higher ground!

Not many of us are living our best. We linger in the lowlands because we are afraid to climb the mountains. The steepness and ruggedness discourage us, so we stay in the mist of the valleys and never learn the mystery of the hills. We do not know what is lost by our self-indulgence, what glory awaits if we only have the courage to climb, or what blessings we will find if we will only ascend the mountains of God! J.R.M.

Too low they build who build beneath the stars.

January 1st- Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

Deuteronomy 11:11-12 (New American Standard Bible)

11"But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven,

12 a land for which the LORD your God cares; the eyes of the LORD your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year.

Today we stand at the threshold of the unknown. Before us lies a new year, and we are going forward to take possession of it. Who knows what we will find? What new experiences or changes will come our way? What new needs will arise? In spite of the uncertainty before us, we have a cheerful and comforting message from our heavenly Father: "The LORD your God cares for [it]; the eyes of the LORD...are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end."

The Lord is to be our Source of supply. In Him are springs, fountains, and streams that will never be cut off or run dry. To those who are anxious comes the gracious promise of our heavenly Father: If He is the Source of our mercies, mercy will never fail us. No heat or drought can dry the "river whose streams make glad the city of God" (Ps. 46:4).

Yet the land we are to possess is a land of valleys and hills. It is not flat or downhill. If life were always smooth and level, the boring sameness would weigh us down. We need the valleys and the hills. The hills collect the rain for hundreds of fruitful valleys. And so it is with us! It is the difficulty encountered on the hills that drives us to the throne of grace and brings the showers of blessings. Yes, it is the hills, the cold and seemingly barren hills of life that we question and complain about, that brings the showers. How many people have perished in the wilderness valley, buried under its golden sand, who would have thrived in the hills? And how many would have been killed the cold, destroyed or swept desolate of their fruitfulness by the wind, if not for the hills- stern, hard, rugged, and so steep to climb? God's hills are a gracious protection for His people against their foes!

We cannot see what loss, sorrow, and trials are accomplishing. We need only to trust. The Father comes near to take our hand and lead us on our way. It will be a good and blessed year!

He leads us on by paths we did not know;
Upward He leads us, though our steps be slow,
Though oft we faint and falter on the way,
Though storms and darkness oft obscure the day;
Yet when the clouds are gone,
We know He leads us on.

He leads us on through all the unquiet years;
Past all our dreamland hopes, and doubts and fears,
He guides our steps, through all the tangled maze
Of losses, sorrows, and o'er clouded days;
We know His will is done;
And still He leads us on.
Nicholas Ludwig Zinzendorf



I would like to add that although, yes, there are hills, valley, mountains that ARE in our life we do not have to let our soul get caught up in them. In other words, EXTERNALLY these things may be happening to us, INTERNALLY we rest, trust and abide in Christ. These valleys and hills will not shake Jesus nor those that rest in Him. We do not live in or under our circumstances but ABOVE then where Christ is.- SE