If you've not met the God who refuses to meet all your expectations, you will. And how you react in that day will reveal whether or not you are worshipping Jesus Christ or Santa Claus. it will show whether or not you love God more than His promises (or your interpretation of those promises).- Frank Viola, God's Favorite Place on Earth

Luxury

You know what luxury is to this ol'country girl? 

Two good pair of running shoes!  At the same time!  

Thanks to my kids- esp Cody- for my new brooks!  I'm gonna use these for my long runs and my pink brooks for shorter runs. 

Yep, I'm one blessed Mom!

Kentucky

This Christmas trip home was very quick. I wasnt home even 48 hours. 

Every time I leave my dear Dad my heart just aches. I miss him so much. 

That's hardest part of living so far from my family is not "living" day to day with them.  

I just really miss my Dad. 

Father, I pray for my dear Dad's heart. I pray when he is lonely You will make him aware of Your presence in him. I pray when he is sad you will fill him with Your joy despite the circumstances. I pray he is filled with peace and contentment. Most of I pray His desire is to know You and live in intimacy with You.  Amen. 

Relief

Today, I am relieved.

My big weekend is over and thoroughly enjoyed it...but it was exhausting.

Friday the 20th, I ran 19.1 miles.  Took me 3 hours.  It was a rough run from the beginning because I was so tired to start out with.

Then I had to go clean a house.  Then off to Sam's for supplies for the boys detention center Christmas Party on Saturday.  Home to straighten up my house and prepare 3 LARGE macaroni and cheese.

Clean up.

Oh yeah, then a big fight with my boys.  Ug.

Saturday morning I was up early to bake the mac n cheese and 2 large pans of ham.

Left for White Pines at 10:30am.

Got home at 4.

Then did more clean up and fixing supper- then finally my poor dogs got a bath!

More clean up.

Finally got to bed!

Up early to be at the church by 8:15 to meet with Kenny, our missionary in England!  Yay, very excited about our trip!  Pray pray pray for England!!!!

Home around 12- lunch then Christmas Shopping.

Home by 4.

Then Nick and I spent the evening organizing and wrapping!!!!  I also finished some scarves I've been making for my nieces.

Clean up!

I slept much better last night.  Anticipation and then experiencing lack of rest, absolutely overwhelms me.  But knowing 90% is completely just simply relieves me.  I still need to pick up Nick and his dad a thing or two, but overall- I'm finished.

I could actually cry, I am so relieved.

Today, I am going to Mrs Garrett's to do some things.  Then another evening at home.  This evening may actually be LIGHT- I am so grateful and thankful!

Jesus- thank You for seeing me through these last weeks.  You know how exhausted and overwhelmed I get.  Thank You for just being with me and speaking tenderly to me.  I love you.

I am never prepared for December.  I hear people say, "Well, it comes every year."  Yes, it does.  But when your life is already so packed and at a financial limit, how do you really prepare for more?  I certainly will not go into debt just to buy a few gifts.  I don't want to have to work for months to pay for one month.  AND I don't want anyone to do that for me!  I did that for years when the kids were little because Nick and I were STUPID!  If I had it to do all over again- NO WAY would I do that.

Onward to 2014!

Exhausted

I am mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually exhausted.

Pray for me.

Swallowed UP!

Today, I got all swallowed up in myself.  My thoughts, my fears, my worries and even my hopes and dreams.  You know where that all led me?

Any time we go down the road of self...it leads to defeat, discouragement and despair.  Oh what a path that is!  It is certainly NOT by green pastures or quiet waters, that's for sure!

I was listening on my MP3 player Madame Guyon's Short Method of Prayer audiobook and this verse was quoted, "The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest."- Exodus 14:14, AMP.

All those thoughts, feelings and emotions that overwhelmed me came from my soul (mind, will and emotions).  Jesus came to set the captive free!  He redeemed my soul!  I don't have to GO there in my soul and I certainly don't have to STAY there in my soul.

Even while I was overwhelmed I prayed that whatever was holding me that Christ would release it.  And He did!  He fought again, for my soul!  So that I can hold the peace He has given me (Himself!) and I can remain at rest.

Something else, why does He allow me to get all swallowed up and wallowed in?  So that He can be Himself to me.  He doesn't want me to become to dependent on anything.  Nothing.  Not bad feelings, thoughts and emotions AND not even good feelings, thoughts and emotions.  In the bad, I often find I do not fully trust Him and in the good I find I do not need Him.

My thoughts, feelings and emotions need to be settled fully into Him and Him alone.

 "The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest."- Exodus 14:14, AMP.

Amen and amen!

True

God is more anxious to give us Himself than we are to possess Him. - Madame Jeanne Guyon

Knowing....

I know why God doesn't give me some of the things I want so badly.  Things that I want with others.  I deeply desire spiritual and emotional intimacy.  But He constantly reminds me- all those things you want from others, you can only get in Me.  I will never let someone else fill My place.

I am loved.  By Love.

"You shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you FREE!"

    For the last 4 months I have been taking a monthly class- Thursday nights, Friday nights and all Saturday's- once a month. This is called Advanced Discipleship Training. This last weekend was about Spiritual Warfare, Suffering and Helping People Grow Free.

    Unfortunately, a lot of believers live in defeat- they don't WANT to live in defeat, some don't even realize they are living in defeat but they KNOW something is going on on the inside of them and they don't know what to do about it.

Here is some thoughts from ADT that we all need to hear:

Feelings are attached to our belief systems (and often what we SAY we believe is NOT often what comes out in our behavior, therefore, our belief system may be contrary to the Truth).

We cannot act (behavior) contrary to our belief system.

Negative emotions are always indicators of untruth, a place that is in need of being healed.

If you are feeling frustrated or angry you may be:

1) believing a lie (what lie am I believing about God, myself or others?) that produces pain

2) holding onto a right (what rights, in Christ, do you really have?)

3) unforgiveness

If you are a believer and you ARE feeling anxious, anger, frustration etc on the inside then there is a deeper issue.

If you really want to live in FREEDOM, despite the circumstances, trials and situations and maintain freedom then

A) Decide to:

1. Own responsibility for YOUR feelings and behaviors- don't put it on someone else
2. Ask God to reveal issues. Why? What lie is DRIVING the feelings and behaviors?
3. Reject the lie!!!!!
4. Believe (action word!) the truth and receive (action word!) it for yourself.
5. Yield in order to depend on Christ alone. Surrender to Him.
6. Risk new behavior. Grace abounds!

B) Forgiveness. Personal note, I would rather be known as one who walks in forgiveness and extends forgiveness than one who harbors unforgiveness toward others.

C) Identification with Christ in His earthly walk (as Jesus totally depended on His Father, we are to depend on Him.)

D) Relinquishment of rights. Let Go. "Think of others higher than YOURSELF." "Perfect love casts out fear."

E) Acceptance of ourselves. Do you really KNOW who you are in Christ? If you really KNOW, then your feelings and behaviors will begin to feel/act as Christ is.

If you are a believer that is living in this chaos and defeat- then Jesus wants you to know He died so that you can have and live in freedom. He rose again so that you can live from Him, and who He is. What does Jesus look like?

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self Control.

"Abide in Me and I in you. Apart from Me you can do nothing."

"Love never fails. Love does not act unbecomingly. Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing"

Contemplating....

So, I am contemplating training for a marathon.

I know, I know- I said I would not train for a marathon. 

Today I ran 17 miles. It was a good run, a better pace than I anticipated but miles 16 and 17- ROUGH!  My left knee, hamstring and heel began to bother me- a lot. I can run on tired legs but pain is another story. 

So I've taken ibuprofen, hot bath in Epsom salt, now icing the knee. Hamstring hurts a lot. 

I've scheduled a 19 mile run two weeks from today. I will know by January 4th ( 21 miles) whether or not I am going to ATTEMPT the Myrtle Beach Marathon on February 15th.

Lately....

Lately, and from time to time, a question or should I say- questions- come to my mind.

Why do I go to church?  Why am I member of a church?  Why do I get up each morning and spend some time reading and praying, writing my thoughts and heart to God?  Why do I go to the boys detention center each week?  Why do I give?  Whether it by my time, my money or just, myself to- anyone?  Why am I taking an 8 month course on discipleship, counseling and mentoring that costs $200 a month?  Why am I saving money to pay for Nick and my mission trip to England?

Why is Jesus so much in my thoughts?  Why when I think of Him- Who He is, His sacrifice and great love, my heart overwhelms within me?

Why?

Please hear me, I am not boasting.  I love Jesus so much.  He consumes me.  He is always in my thoughts, never far from my mind.  Just right there.  But I see other Christians that He just doesn't seem to be the Center of their life, their thoughts, their money, their work, their home, their marriage, their children, their time, their Sunday mornings- their nothing. On the other hand, I see a lot of people who DO serve, give and even read their Bible yet their heart attitude is self-centered or even church centered, ministry centered, people centered but not Christ-centered.  See, Christ flows out of the center of the person- Christ first and in all things- out of the one that lives in intimacy with Him.  I will post a poem a friend wrote on what He looks like flowing out of the one in intimacy with Him.

Why do I feel such awesomeness toward Him yet other believers seem to just LIVE their life without any thought to Him, knowing Him, loving Him, serving Him?

Their life actually seems pretty, easy.  They don't seem to wonder if they have have enough time or money or rest.

Why does He consume and overwhelm me when He doesn't others?  I know He created us differently.  Some people just don't like to read, so they don't like to read the Bible.  Some people work a lot of hours through out the week and just look forward to resting Sunday mornings.  Some people just don't have the extra time to- give.  I get all that, I do.  But God.  You know?

I am not critical, I just wonder why they don't feel about Jesus like I do?  He is God.  The Giver of Life.  The Possessor of Salvation.  Eternal King.  The Redeemer!  The One that sets the captive free and heals the broken.  My Healer.

Oh my Jesus.  I don't know why You have chosen to fill me so, with Yourself.  I can't even tell You WHY I love You so much, I just DO.  My hearts desire is to KNOW You more intimately- to live in intimacy with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  To live in unity, oneness and fellowship with You.

Philippians 3:7-8

7 But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ

55 degrees!

It's 55 degrees this morning. And foggy!  But perfect weather for a run!  

Speaking my Love language, Jesus

I came to understand Christ as my life, 5 years ago. I learned that although my emotions are real they are not always truthful. 

I learned that through Christ I didn't have to be enslaved to my emotions and that Jesus could heal them and I could live from Him, who is Truth and Peace. 

Since I have taken this last ADT God has really been speaking to me about false messages I have believed about my self and the ways I have coped because of those false messages- aka FLESH!

This last weekend, I got swallowed up in my flesh. I don't know why or how it happened, exactly, but the result was me- withdrawing emotionally from Nick and the kids. Years ago when hurt or offended I would have reacted in anger (flesh). Now, I avoid such an emotional and violative outbursts and I withdraw. I just recently was revealed by God that that was how I reacted. I withdraw and just cut off all emotions. 

So I numbed myself from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. That morning I texted Patricia and asked if we could walk later- and she said yes. 

We met at Dorman, we walked and talked. My spirit lifted. 

A couple of weeks ago when I met with my ADT mentor, Pat, she told me that sometimes it's better to share with our girlfriends some things because there are some things our husbands just don't understand.  I am so glad for this advice. 

I am so glad Patricia was available to listen and understand. She is my best friend and so much more than my sister in Christ. We have a deep spiritual bond. We speak each others Love language, Jesus. 

And my spirit was lifted and light once again. 

Abide, trust and rest in Christ. God's words love to me, spoke through a dear friend that listens and understands.