Back to where I belong!

Two and a half years ago our youth pastor, Will Gunter, spoke from Hebrews 12:1-2:

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I don't think I had ever really read those verses nor understood them. It wasn't until a year later that God greatly spoke to me through those verses.

See, I have a problem of letting things get to me. Whether it be worrying about the future, what someone says or does to hurt me, my kids, my husband, my family, paying bills, getting my house back in order, taking care of the yard, work, saving up money for extra things we need...the list is ENDLESS. Then my thoughts lead from one to another and before I know it my thoughts are like the little mouse on his spinning wheel. Over and over. Fear invades me and overwhelms me.

Before I know it, I've taken my eyes of Jesus and allowed myself to be encumbered, entangled and enslaved. To my Self, my thoughts, to circumstances, to the devil, to this world, to other people. To things I can not control. I like control. When I'm not in control, I am fearful.

But Jesus.

Jesus doesn't want me in control because if I am in control: I am god. He wants me fully, completely, wholly fixed on HIM. My hopes, dreams, thoughts, circumstances, future, present and even past. He wants to be my Life. Everything. My all in all.

Many times in the last year and a half, I've had to pray to get my eyes off of everything and everyone around me and BACK on Jesus. I believe that He is teaching me to live continually fixed on Him. That is what He wants from me continually, fixed on Him.

What is fixed on Him? Trusting Him. If He says He will provide for all my needs, do I trust that He will? Do I rest in Him, knowing He cares for me? He is my Author (my Beginner) and my Perfecter (He completes His good work IN me).

I am His joy. Yes, I am His joy. He endured the cross, shed His precious blood so that I, His joy, may be found compete, holy, free and righteous. He became my sin and paid my debt so that I may live an abundant and abiding life in Him.

Jesus, my Beloved, is sitting at the right hand of God AND living in me. How amazing is that? How can I possibly allow the crazy things of this world, and myself, to overwhelm me when the King of kings, makes me His dwelling place in me? He has made me ALIVE because He lives His Life in and through me! That is REAL life!

Overwhelmed? Fearful? Letting people or the world or the enemy of your soul get you down? Well, let me tell you. Christ Jesus has OVERCAME them all. Live NO longer encumbered, entangled or enslaved because YOU have been set free if you have trusted and received the Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Jesus to fix you, from the INSIDE out, back on Him!

Father, reveal to me Jesus. I no longer want to live encumbered, entangled or enslaved to any one or any thing. I want to know Jesus fully and completely. You are the only One who can remove the veil. You are the only One who can teach me and anoint me with Truth. I want to be fixed on Jesus- body, soul and spirit. Thank you for being Faithful and True. Amen!

Quick Update

I am still running. I had been running up to 5 miles a couple of times a week but it was putting too much stress on my left ankle. So, I got a slight sprained ankle. I took ibuprofen, iced it, brown paper-vinegar wrapped it, soaked it in epsom salt. It's much better. I am trying to run a 5K (3.1) every other day and sprints on the days I do not run the 5K. My ankle is holding up. Yesterday I ran the course at Dorman with two of my friends that are going to run Zebras. Nick and I are going back today.

The ministries at White Pines and Upstate Evaluation Center are going SO well! I thank God for allowing me to be apart of this ministry. I love those boys. I am praying they have the revelation of Jesus Christ! Oh, what I know He wants to do in and through them!

My dad's new wife, Sharon, has been diagnosed with cancer in her lung. She is going to have a PET scan on Tuesday. They have only been married since January 23rd. Please pray for them. I am praying God heals her so they can have a long and happy marriage. I will blog about this more another time, but right now I have to get ready for church.

My soul overflows with love for my Lord Jesus Christ and my beloved Father in heaven. Such beautiful love. I feel His love wash in me and through me. There is no greater joy than this Love.

My family is well. Nick is working, we almost have all of our tax money saved (thank You, God!), Allison and Ben are on spring break this week, Cody has a slight fever but ran the mile in 5:14 this week, Johnie helped Nick clean the fence row out. We've got a lot of work to do around here this spring and summer. We didn't get to do a lot last year because Nick didn't have a job so this year is catch up. Paint the deck, the patio steps, stucco around the house. Almost time to get my garden ready. We've got to get gravel for the drive and a new liner for the pool. A cover for the hot tub. Oh dear, so much to save up for!

Johnie has an appointment with the dentist and dermatologist in the next month. So thankful for dental insurance but since we have no health insurance we have to pay for the dermatologist.

"How can you send up to Him a prayer for His grace, with a restriction that He must only send it by a channel demanding no sacrifice on your part? - Fenelon"

I am not complaining, nor want any to feel bad for us. I want to know my Lord in deep, intimate fellowship and oneness. How can that be when everything in my life is all well? When we have no financial, physical, and/or emotional difficulties then we cannot truly trust and rest in Jesus. We must have these things. We must have circumstances and situations that demand dependence on Him. Otherwise, where is our faith and hope? Where can we look to? Our Self. I just can not take that burden any more of depending on my Self. I choose to cast my cares, anxieties, burdens and weariness on my Jesus. Only He is worthy to destroy them. I'd rather be in His loving arms and care than mine.

Love to you all.

Times by Tenth Avenue North

Video: Times by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAVHeVDML5k&feature=related

Artist: Tenth Avenue North
Song: Times

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

As You Are Married

This poem was given to me by a woman named Barbara Beatty. She was the pianist at Rheber Church of the Nazarene, the church I grew up in and where Nick and I were married. Barbara gave me this poem...it's on a little card...and I have carried it with me every day since we were married. Nick and I were married for 12 years before we came to Christ...yet I carried this little poem with me. These last 7 years it means so much more to me because I UNDERSTAND what it means! And still I carry it...ragged and all.

AS YOU ARE MARRIED BY DARLENE BLACKMON

Paul said 'tis a mystery

How two are joined as one,

We may not ever understand

Exactly how it's done.

A man must leave his

childhood home

To take to him a wife;

With new goals and direction,

New purpose now for life.

As the two of you are married,

With new doors now to enter,

Just build your home

upon the Rock

And make Christ

the Lord, the center.