Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. (Genesis 32:24)
In this passage, God is wrestling with Jacob more than Jacob is wrestling with God. The "man" referred to here is the Son of Man- the Angel of the Covenant. It was God in human form, pressing down on Jacob to press his old life from him. And by daybreak God had prevailed, for Jacob's "hip was wrenched" (v.25). As Jacob "fell" from his old life, he fell into the arms of God, clinging to Him but also wrestling until his blessing came. His blessing was that of a new life, so he rose from the earthly to the heavenly, the human to the divine, and the natural to the supernatural. From that morning forward, he was a weak and broken man from a human perspective, but God was there. And the Lord's heavenly voice proclaimed, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome" (v. 28).
Beloved, this should be a typical scene in the life of everyone who has been transformed. If God has called us to His highest and best, each of us should have a time of crisis, when all of our resources will fail and when we face either ruin or something better than we have ever dreamed. But before we can receive the blessing, we must rely on God's infinite help. We must be willing to let go, surrendering completely to Him, and cease from our own wisdom, strength and righteousness. We must be "crucified with Christ" (Gal. 2:20) and yet alive in Him. God knows how to lead us to the point of crisis, and He knows how to lead us through it.
Is God leading you in this way? Is this the meaning of your mysterious trial, your difficult circumstances, your impossible situation, or that trying place you cannot seem to move past without Him? But do you have enough of Him to win the victory?
Then turn to Jacob's God! Throw yourself helplessly at His feet. Die in His loving arms to your own strength and wisdom, and rise like Jacob into His strength and sufficiency. There is no way out of your difficult and narrow situation except at the top. You must win deliverance by rising higher, coming into a new experience with God. And may it bring you into all that is meant by the revelation of "the Mighty One of Jacob" (Isaiah 60:16)! There is no way out but God.
At Your feet I fall,
Yield You up my ALL,
TO SUFFER, LIVE OR DIE,
For my Lord crucified.
A child of God- beloved, holy, righteous, blameless, healed, forgiven, brand new, sheep, salt, light, a branch, temple of God, reconciled, a saint, God's workmanship, hidden with Christ in God, an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life, a partaker, a living stone- crucified with Christ, I no longer live but Christ lives IN ME!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Jesus. My dear, beloved, sweet Jesus. His name fills my heart with such joy! I've have known Him as my Life for over 14 months now. The best time of my life! I feel as if I am nestled up to my Lord at all times. I feel comforted, held, protected and soothed. Whenever I get all tangled and jangled inside, I know the Way to overcome the mess. I fix my eyes on Jesus. I lay aside whatever encumbers and entangles me and then allow Him to be, well..my God. My Provider, Sustainer and Keeper. Oh He loves me, He cares for me. He holds all things together...and I would be one of those "all things". He holds me together! He holds my husband and children together. He's the One that covers me with His Self when the world around me rages and I just breathe Him in. I close my eyes, lean into Him and allow Him to care for me as His child. Nothing gets past my Jesus. He knows all things.
In John 4 is the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. He tells her that whoever drinks of the water from the well WILL thirst again. In verse 14 He says to her, "but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
Often I hear, "I am so hungry and thirsty for God." I used to feel that way also. For me I think it was I needed to "feel" God more. Even in our churches I think we tend to think some people are more spiritual because they are always saying they are hungry or thirsting for God. We encourage them to be hungry and thirsty for God or more of God.
But the verse doesn't say we are going to be more thirsty for God. It says that whoever drinks of the water He gives us will NEVER thirst. It also says it will become a WELL and springing up! Friends, He...Jesus...is the Living Water. When we come to know Him as who He really is...Truth, Rest, Peace, Joy and Life then we will NOT thirst again. We are abiding in Him. And He is us.
There was a tree on the farm that I grew up on, right near our house and I would play under and around that tree. One time I tied a rope around that tree. As time goes on I quit playing around that tree. Eventually though I had to mow around the tree. Years later that rope had grow into that tree. Or wait, did the tree grow around the rope? Either way, the rope became part of the tree...so deeply embedded it could never be removed. That is what coming to truly trust and abide in Christ is like. When we abide in Him and He in us...we become deeply embedded in...each other.
I am filled with the Living Water. I am not thirsting for Him because He is such apart of me. He is my Life. I am His vessel. He is my Well, springing up in me...filling me with Himself, continually.
I adore Him. I praise Him for being my Living Water. My unending Well. I praise Him for opening my heart and life to the truth of Who He is...and who I am because of Him!
Amen!
In John 4 is the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. He tells her that whoever drinks of the water from the well WILL thirst again. In verse 14 He says to her, "but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
Often I hear, "I am so hungry and thirsty for God." I used to feel that way also. For me I think it was I needed to "feel" God more. Even in our churches I think we tend to think some people are more spiritual because they are always saying they are hungry or thirsting for God. We encourage them to be hungry and thirsty for God or more of God.
But the verse doesn't say we are going to be more thirsty for God. It says that whoever drinks of the water He gives us will NEVER thirst. It also says it will become a WELL and springing up! Friends, He...Jesus...is the Living Water. When we come to know Him as who He really is...Truth, Rest, Peace, Joy and Life then we will NOT thirst again. We are abiding in Him. And He is us.
There was a tree on the farm that I grew up on, right near our house and I would play under and around that tree. One time I tied a rope around that tree. As time goes on I quit playing around that tree. Eventually though I had to mow around the tree. Years later that rope had grow into that tree. Or wait, did the tree grow around the rope? Either way, the rope became part of the tree...so deeply embedded it could never be removed. That is what coming to truly trust and abide in Christ is like. When we abide in Him and He in us...we become deeply embedded in...each other.
I am filled with the Living Water. I am not thirsting for Him because He is such apart of me. He is my Life. I am His vessel. He is my Well, springing up in me...filling me with Himself, continually.
I adore Him. I praise Him for being my Living Water. My unending Well. I praise Him for opening my heart and life to the truth of Who He is...and who I am because of Him!
Amen!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
John 14:15
If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. NASB
If you love me, you will obey what I command. NIV
John 15:10
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. NASB
If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. NIV
In my old Bible (NIV) I have wrote above John 14:15 this "obedience=love". I thought that for a VERY long time. I thought that me obeying either God's law's or that if I read my Bible every day, had a good amount of prayer time daily, served enough in my home church, gave above and over my tithe, taught my children properly and did my very best to BE, inside and out, a good Christian then it would PROVE my LOVE for God.
Somehow, I think I took the "Five Love Languages" and thought if I did them properly it would show and prove my love for God.
1) Words of Affirmation..did I affirm to God enough how much I loved Him? How thankful and grateful I am for...all things? That I adore and love Him?
2) Quality Time...did I spend enough time in prayer? Did I spend enough time in the Word? Did I have enough quiet time?
3) Receiving Gifts...Did I give enough? Is the gifts I have given Him satisfactory? Too little?
4) Acts of Service...Am I serving enough? What do I need to do? Am I obeying all His commandments properly?
5) Physical Touch...for me this would be 'emotional experience' since you can't physically touch Jesus, yet. So this for me would have been "feeling" Him. Do I feel Him enough? Does He feel my love for Him? Am I expressing it enough...emotionally and to others?
How in the world did I get that verse so backwards? Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." NOT, what I thought it read, "If you obey my commands, you love Me." I truly thought obedience equaled love.
But I have to say, even though it was mixed up in my head, in my spirit it wasn't. Deep in my spirit, before I came to understand that obedience flows out of love, not love out of obedience...I KNEW this. I didn't remain faithful to Jesus out of obedience but out of love. Nor in any other aspect of my life. Since I've known and loved Jesus, His commandments have been written on my new heart. Somehow the message to my head was that obedience equals love. But Jesus tells me that obedience FLOWS out of LOVE for Jesus...in all areas of my life. I don't know what messed me up, wrong teaching? wrong understanding? Satan trying to trick me? my own lack of belief? I don't know.
What is God's greatest desire for us? I hear over and over, OBEDIENCE. God wants us to be obedient to Him. Oh really? I think not.
Matthew 22:36-38
36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
37And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
38"This is the great and foremost commandment.
Mark 12
28One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?"
29Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD;
30AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'
Luke 10
25And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"
26And He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?"
27And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." ; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
Love.
Obedience flows out of love.
You can't really ask or expect anyone to obey God's commands without love for Him. Love comes from God and is God. The greatest commandment is to LOVE HIM. True Love abides only in those that know and believe in Jesus. For Jesus is love. Don't expect unbelievers to keep God's commands, it's just not IN them to do so. Many, many Christians are like I was, too busy dealing with their flesh and trying to DO right and BE right...not resting and trusting in Him...to UNDERSTAND that obedience flows out of love, not love flows from obedience. They are too busy trying to prove their love for Him that they don't just REST in His love.
He loves you. Rest in that. Trust in that. When you do then obedience to His commands (aka...LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND) flows from love.
In other words:
In loving Him with all that you are, you are keeping His command to love Him. Love flows from love.
If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. NASB
If you love me, you will obey what I command. NIV
John 15:10
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. NASB
If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. NIV
In my old Bible (NIV) I have wrote above John 14:15 this "obedience=love". I thought that for a VERY long time. I thought that me obeying either God's law's or that if I read my Bible every day, had a good amount of prayer time daily, served enough in my home church, gave above and over my tithe, taught my children properly and did my very best to BE, inside and out, a good Christian then it would PROVE my LOVE for God.
Somehow, I think I took the "Five Love Languages" and thought if I did them properly it would show and prove my love for God.
1) Words of Affirmation..did I affirm to God enough how much I loved Him? How thankful and grateful I am for...all things? That I adore and love Him?
2) Quality Time...did I spend enough time in prayer? Did I spend enough time in the Word? Did I have enough quiet time?
3) Receiving Gifts...Did I give enough? Is the gifts I have given Him satisfactory? Too little?
4) Acts of Service...Am I serving enough? What do I need to do? Am I obeying all His commandments properly?
5) Physical Touch...for me this would be 'emotional experience' since you can't physically touch Jesus, yet. So this for me would have been "feeling" Him. Do I feel Him enough? Does He feel my love for Him? Am I expressing it enough...emotionally and to others?
How in the world did I get that verse so backwards? Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." NOT, what I thought it read, "If you obey my commands, you love Me." I truly thought obedience equaled love.
But I have to say, even though it was mixed up in my head, in my spirit it wasn't. Deep in my spirit, before I came to understand that obedience flows out of love, not love out of obedience...I KNEW this. I didn't remain faithful to Jesus out of obedience but out of love. Nor in any other aspect of my life. Since I've known and loved Jesus, His commandments have been written on my new heart. Somehow the message to my head was that obedience equals love. But Jesus tells me that obedience FLOWS out of LOVE for Jesus...in all areas of my life. I don't know what messed me up, wrong teaching? wrong understanding? Satan trying to trick me? my own lack of belief? I don't know.
What is God's greatest desire for us? I hear over and over, OBEDIENCE. God wants us to be obedient to Him. Oh really? I think not.
Matthew 22:36-38
36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
37And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
38"This is the great and foremost commandment.
Mark 12
28One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?"
29Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD;
30AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'
Luke 10
25And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"
26And He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?"
27And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." ; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
Love.
Obedience flows out of love.
You can't really ask or expect anyone to obey God's commands without love for Him. Love comes from God and is God. The greatest commandment is to LOVE HIM. True Love abides only in those that know and believe in Jesus. For Jesus is love. Don't expect unbelievers to keep God's commands, it's just not IN them to do so. Many, many Christians are like I was, too busy dealing with their flesh and trying to DO right and BE right...not resting and trusting in Him...to UNDERSTAND that obedience flows out of love, not love flows from obedience. They are too busy trying to prove their love for Him that they don't just REST in His love.
He loves you. Rest in that. Trust in that. When you do then obedience to His commands (aka...LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND) flows from love.
In other words:
In loving Him with all that you are, you are keeping His command to love Him. Love flows from love.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Colossians 1:13-14 For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son,in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Do you need rescued today? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onxhvivQYfI&feature=PlayList&p=5BF78BD838FE2CDB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=38
Do you need rescued today? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onxhvivQYfI&feature=PlayList&p=5BF78BD838FE2CDB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=38
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I thought I would put on my blog some excerpts of a book I'm reading entitled, "Revelation Knowledge and Fourth Dimensional Living" by Warren Litzman.
"When you begin to walk with the knowledge of Christ in you, there is a whole new world which changes everything in your daily living. It is now a beautiful love affair."
"God's purpose is that every one of us be as we were created by the Father, unique containers for Christ to live in."
"God has chosen the entire human race to be in Christ from the beginning, and He is now waiting on those chosen to be in Christ to accept Him as their Savior and to be born again. The Scriptures are clear, you cannot be born again until you believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. This gospel must be preached for the souls created and yet incomplete without Christ will never be saved. This is His whole intention for the universe, that Christ be in the human being."
"Spirit-taught believers now see that their all-in-all is Christ, who is in them by the birthing, and all the liberties, glories, provisions, gifts and graces that can possibly come to any son of God have come to these believers already."
"Just as God is a trinity, so is man a trinity consisting of body, soul and spirit. In the Christ-life message, we see spirit as a ruling factor of who and what man is, and spirit rules over soul just as soul rules over body."
"The soul is a trinity of intellect, emotion and will, meaning that the mind and heart of the human being are a part of his soul. When we are rebirthed and God's nature comes into us, the soul begins to grow in the things of the Lord. A soul is literally saved as it is renewed in the knowledge and the understanding of who and what the believer is in Christ. Paul summarized all that the soul stood for by the word, mind, for he said, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil 2:5); also, "We have the mind of Christ" (1 Cor 2:16). Paul also said that spiritual growth takes place in the mind where the human being comes to know who and what he is by Christ's spirit within him."
My eyes...spiritual eyes...have been opened this last year. I sometimes wonder what exactly happened to me and why. This is what I wrote my associate pastor in February:
"Is this...whatever God has brought me through...been doing in my life...opening Himself up to me in this way...is this normal? Yes, I have times of discouragement but I am so very different. I feel so different on the inside. I just can't even explain it. These last few months have been nothing but joy. I truly understand Jesus as my very life now. It's like He has opened Himself up to ....just took me by the hand and ministers to me, loves me, teaches me...personally. I know He does but now I KNOW He does. Do I make ANY sense at all? What has happened to me...and why? I can give you reasons...I asked for Him to be my all in all...but I don't think I believed He would. I didn't understand what that meant. I didn't think I could have such a sweet, constant fellowship with Him. I thought I would always have to fight MYSELF. I truly understand now I (old self) have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live but Christ lives in me. Did I ever understand that before? It's like my life is a before Oct. 3 and after. I KNOW I was saved...I KNOW it...but this is so new. So real. I could go on and on but will spare you that..hahaha!'
GRACE...oh how I am finally understanding true GRACE.
Amen and Praise Him!
"When you begin to walk with the knowledge of Christ in you, there is a whole new world which changes everything in your daily living. It is now a beautiful love affair."
"God's purpose is that every one of us be as we were created by the Father, unique containers for Christ to live in."
"God has chosen the entire human race to be in Christ from the beginning, and He is now waiting on those chosen to be in Christ to accept Him as their Savior and to be born again. The Scriptures are clear, you cannot be born again until you believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. This gospel must be preached for the souls created and yet incomplete without Christ will never be saved. This is His whole intention for the universe, that Christ be in the human being."
"Spirit-taught believers now see that their all-in-all is Christ, who is in them by the birthing, and all the liberties, glories, provisions, gifts and graces that can possibly come to any son of God have come to these believers already."
"Just as God is a trinity, so is man a trinity consisting of body, soul and spirit. In the Christ-life message, we see spirit as a ruling factor of who and what man is, and spirit rules over soul just as soul rules over body."
"The soul is a trinity of intellect, emotion and will, meaning that the mind and heart of the human being are a part of his soul. When we are rebirthed and God's nature comes into us, the soul begins to grow in the things of the Lord. A soul is literally saved as it is renewed in the knowledge and the understanding of who and what the believer is in Christ. Paul summarized all that the soul stood for by the word, mind, for he said, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil 2:5); also, "We have the mind of Christ" (1 Cor 2:16). Paul also said that spiritual growth takes place in the mind where the human being comes to know who and what he is by Christ's spirit within him."
My eyes...spiritual eyes...have been opened this last year. I sometimes wonder what exactly happened to me and why. This is what I wrote my associate pastor in February:
"Is this...whatever God has brought me through...been doing in my life...opening Himself up to me in this way...is this normal? Yes, I have times of discouragement but I am so very different. I feel so different on the inside. I just can't even explain it. These last few months have been nothing but joy. I truly understand Jesus as my very life now. It's like He has opened Himself up to ....just took me by the hand and ministers to me, loves me, teaches me...personally. I know He does but now I KNOW He does. Do I make ANY sense at all? What has happened to me...and why? I can give you reasons...I asked for Him to be my all in all...but I don't think I believed He would. I didn't understand what that meant. I didn't think I could have such a sweet, constant fellowship with Him. I thought I would always have to fight MYSELF. I truly understand now I (old self) have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live but Christ lives in me. Did I ever understand that before? It's like my life is a before Oct. 3 and after. I KNOW I was saved...I KNOW it...but this is so new. So real. I could go on and on but will spare you that..hahaha!'
GRACE...oh how I am finally understanding true GRACE.
Amen and Praise Him!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!
My Thanksgiving break began a bit early. I decided since the kids got off of school on Tuesday I was going to do so also! We are having our Thanksgiving dinner tonight so Allison can go with Ben tomorrow and Nick and I can go to the boys detention centers. So a day of cooking as soon as I log off here.
I wanted to share something crazy that happened over the weekend. My cousin (from my Mom's side of the family), who is a pastor in Ky and his wife (who is also my cousin on my Dad's side of the family and also one of my lifelong best friends) stopped by to stay all night on their way to Parris Island where their son is graduating basic training. My sweet best friend and I sat up late in the night talking and I shared when it was I REALLY trusted and believed in Jesus. She said, No...it was when you were in high school. I said, NO...I know when I really believed and it was when I was 29.
So the next morning she told me to explain to her husband what I had said the night before. I explained that I didn't REALLY believe in Jesus in high school. I had went to the altar, I had even been baptized but I had not really, truly believed. I couldn't even tell you at the time who God was. I had not changed INSIDE at all. My pastor cousin began to tell me that I really WAS saved but didn't realize it. I couldn't believe my ears. I KNOW I wasn't. I KNOW when Jesus became REAL to me. I know when I received Jesus.
Folks, that scares me. I even told him what he said scared me. We had a very long discussion that morning and I can't put everything into this blog but he told me that I was saved and it was just a gradual understanding. He said that during that time was sanctification.
I am going to tell you what I told him:
No, I wasn't. I was NOT born again. I explained to him what being born again truly means. That when I truly believed and trusted Jesus...with ALL that I am, that He came in and made my dead spirit alive. When I believed, old Starla was crucified, dead and buried with Jesus and a NEW Starla, a brand spanking new creation was raised with Jesus! I am NOT who I was. I am a new creation. I told him there was no way Jesus lived and abided in that old person. How could he? I didn't even know who He was. I had no regret, no remorse for the sins I committed. All I thought about was myself. I know who I am now. I know when He came in and exchanged my old self for HIM! Granted a lot of this I didn't realize until this last year but for the last almost 10 years I've never doubted my salvation. I may have doubted a lot of other things...even God...but not my salvation.
And now...I have deep peace. Now...I have true rest. Now...He is my Life. I know He lives in me. KNOW. There is NO other way to explain this...peace and joy...inside of me. It's Jesus. Plain and simple.
So how many teenagers have walked the aisle, spoke some words...yet their life never changed but they were considered "saved"? No wonder we have a bunch of people running around living how they want, doing what they want...but they are "saved". Some of them even have a form of godliness. They do good "things" for Jesus. But try as they might they can't get past those sins that plague them. My pastor/cousin told me this, "I've never tried so hard to convince someone they were saved." WHAT??????
I told him that what he was saying scared me. They are letting kids that "SAY" they are "SAVED" just do what they want because they are "SAVED". Now I can understand why they let their youth go to parties where there is drinking. Now I can understand why the let their youth drink and do what they want, say what they want. Those kids have professed faith (although there in no interest in God at all) and live how they want because they are saved. ARE they really? I guess it's not for me to judge. I told him that I didn't know about anyone else but when I TRULY believed and trusted in Jesus...I KNEW it because there was a LIFE change. Yes, it may have been gradual but that day it started. I KNOW IT. Please don't try to convince me of something that I know INTERNALLY as true or untrue.
He told me that all the times that I "went to the altar" helped me be where I am today. I told Him that if I had died any time after one of those altar visits Jesus would have said to me, "I never knew you". I also told him that it wasn't the altar visits that helped me where I am today it was the sinful life that I was leading. The crushing, dead weight of my sin was killing me. It brought me to Jesus. Not traipsing down an aisle with nothing in my heart seeking Jesus or forgiveness.
I leave you with these verses and with the question my pastor/cousins wife, also my cousin and dear lifelong friend asked me,
"Am I really saved? How do I know?"
My answer to those questions is this...YOU KNOW when you have truly repented and trusted in Jesus. Because He has exchanged your old self with His very Life. You are brand new. And you KNOW it. You are assured. Perfect love casts out fear and you know when Perfect Love is in you.
Matthew 7
17"So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.
18"A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.
19"Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20"So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
22"Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'
23"And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'
The Two Foundations
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
25"And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
26"Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.
27"The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall."
My Thanksgiving break began a bit early. I decided since the kids got off of school on Tuesday I was going to do so also! We are having our Thanksgiving dinner tonight so Allison can go with Ben tomorrow and Nick and I can go to the boys detention centers. So a day of cooking as soon as I log off here.
I wanted to share something crazy that happened over the weekend. My cousin (from my Mom's side of the family), who is a pastor in Ky and his wife (who is also my cousin on my Dad's side of the family and also one of my lifelong best friends) stopped by to stay all night on their way to Parris Island where their son is graduating basic training. My sweet best friend and I sat up late in the night talking and I shared when it was I REALLY trusted and believed in Jesus. She said, No...it was when you were in high school. I said, NO...I know when I really believed and it was when I was 29.
So the next morning she told me to explain to her husband what I had said the night before. I explained that I didn't REALLY believe in Jesus in high school. I had went to the altar, I had even been baptized but I had not really, truly believed. I couldn't even tell you at the time who God was. I had not changed INSIDE at all. My pastor cousin began to tell me that I really WAS saved but didn't realize it. I couldn't believe my ears. I KNOW I wasn't. I KNOW when Jesus became REAL to me. I know when I received Jesus.
Folks, that scares me. I even told him what he said scared me. We had a very long discussion that morning and I can't put everything into this blog but he told me that I was saved and it was just a gradual understanding. He said that during that time was sanctification.
I am going to tell you what I told him:
No, I wasn't. I was NOT born again. I explained to him what being born again truly means. That when I truly believed and trusted Jesus...with ALL that I am, that He came in and made my dead spirit alive. When I believed, old Starla was crucified, dead and buried with Jesus and a NEW Starla, a brand spanking new creation was raised with Jesus! I am NOT who I was. I am a new creation. I told him there was no way Jesus lived and abided in that old person. How could he? I didn't even know who He was. I had no regret, no remorse for the sins I committed. All I thought about was myself. I know who I am now. I know when He came in and exchanged my old self for HIM! Granted a lot of this I didn't realize until this last year but for the last almost 10 years I've never doubted my salvation. I may have doubted a lot of other things...even God...but not my salvation.
And now...I have deep peace. Now...I have true rest. Now...He is my Life. I know He lives in me. KNOW. There is NO other way to explain this...peace and joy...inside of me. It's Jesus. Plain and simple.
So how many teenagers have walked the aisle, spoke some words...yet their life never changed but they were considered "saved"? No wonder we have a bunch of people running around living how they want, doing what they want...but they are "saved". Some of them even have a form of godliness. They do good "things" for Jesus. But try as they might they can't get past those sins that plague them. My pastor/cousin told me this, "I've never tried so hard to convince someone they were saved." WHAT??????
I told him that what he was saying scared me. They are letting kids that "SAY" they are "SAVED" just do what they want because they are "SAVED". Now I can understand why they let their youth go to parties where there is drinking. Now I can understand why the let their youth drink and do what they want, say what they want. Those kids have professed faith (although there in no interest in God at all) and live how they want because they are saved. ARE they really? I guess it's not for me to judge. I told him that I didn't know about anyone else but when I TRULY believed and trusted in Jesus...I KNEW it because there was a LIFE change. Yes, it may have been gradual but that day it started. I KNOW IT. Please don't try to convince me of something that I know INTERNALLY as true or untrue.
He told me that all the times that I "went to the altar" helped me be where I am today. I told Him that if I had died any time after one of those altar visits Jesus would have said to me, "I never knew you". I also told him that it wasn't the altar visits that helped me where I am today it was the sinful life that I was leading. The crushing, dead weight of my sin was killing me. It brought me to Jesus. Not traipsing down an aisle with nothing in my heart seeking Jesus or forgiveness.
I leave you with these verses and with the question my pastor/cousins wife, also my cousin and dear lifelong friend asked me,
"Am I really saved? How do I know?"
My answer to those questions is this...YOU KNOW when you have truly repented and trusted in Jesus. Because He has exchanged your old self with His very Life. You are brand new. And you KNOW it. You are assured. Perfect love casts out fear and you know when Perfect Love is in you.
Matthew 7
17"So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.
18"A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.
19"Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20"So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
22"Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'
23"And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'
The Two Foundations
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
25"And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
26"Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.
27"The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall."
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
One Day Older
I know this is going to sound incredibly strange to some people...it even does to me...but I'm kind of a 'dates' person. Meaning, that certain dates stand out to me. It's not fear or superstition. It's just the way God uniquely created me.
The internet can be such a cool devise. Did you know there is a page you can use to figure out the duration between two dates?
http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html
When I found this site I found out when I had been married half of my life...last October 2008, I think.
So what is today's date? Today I have lived one day longer than my mother. My mother died at the age of 39 years, 7 months and 19 days (14479 days). Today I am 39 years, 7 months and 20 days (14480). I have lived longer than my mother. It makes me very sad that her life was cut so short. But I know that God works together all things for the good of those who love Him. And I do.
By my age, my mother had 7 children, 3 marriages and 2 grandchildren. I do believe she was happy the last years of her life. I think she finally found not only peace with God but some sort of peace within. She had a terribly rough childhood and teenage years. I loved her very much. I still do. I do believe she trusted in Jesus as her Lord and Savior, so I know I will see her again. How very thankful I am for that.
I have lived a very easy life compared to her. Although her sudden death was devastating to me for many years, my life has been good. I am finally free of the all the fears, sorrows and depression. A lot of that I brought on myself. I wallowed in my fears, sorrows and depression. I have to thank Jesus for making my life what it is. He is my Redeemer. He has not only redeemed me of sin and has forgiven me, He has redeemed me from the earthly hell (I helped create).
I leave you with His comforting Word to me:
Psalm 116
Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Death.
1I love the LORD, because He hears
My voice and my supplications.
2Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
3The cords of death encompassed me
And the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow.
4Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!"
5Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate.
6The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
7Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
8For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling.
9I shall walk before the LORD
In the land of the living.
10I believed when I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."
11I said in my alarm,
"All men are liars."
12What shall I render to the LORD
For all His benefits toward me?
13I shall lift up the cup of salvation
And call upon the name of the LORD.
14I shall pay my vows to the LORD,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people.
15Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His godly ones.
16O LORD, surely I am Your servant,
I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid,
You have loosed my bonds.
17To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
And call upon the name of the LORD.
18I shall pay my vows to the LORD,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people,
19In the courts of the LORD'S house,
In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD!
On March 8, 200O Jesus became my Lord and Savior. On August 4, 2007 He lifted me out of the miry pit of depression, anxiety, fear and antidepressants. On October 3, 2008 He became my Life.
Jesus is my Life.
The internet can be such a cool devise. Did you know there is a page you can use to figure out the duration between two dates?
http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html
When I found this site I found out when I had been married half of my life...last October 2008, I think.
So what is today's date? Today I have lived one day longer than my mother. My mother died at the age of 39 years, 7 months and 19 days (14479 days). Today I am 39 years, 7 months and 20 days (14480). I have lived longer than my mother. It makes me very sad that her life was cut so short. But I know that God works together all things for the good of those who love Him. And I do.
By my age, my mother had 7 children, 3 marriages and 2 grandchildren. I do believe she was happy the last years of her life. I think she finally found not only peace with God but some sort of peace within. She had a terribly rough childhood and teenage years. I loved her very much. I still do. I do believe she trusted in Jesus as her Lord and Savior, so I know I will see her again. How very thankful I am for that.
I have lived a very easy life compared to her. Although her sudden death was devastating to me for many years, my life has been good. I am finally free of the all the fears, sorrows and depression. A lot of that I brought on myself. I wallowed in my fears, sorrows and depression. I have to thank Jesus for making my life what it is. He is my Redeemer. He has not only redeemed me of sin and has forgiven me, He has redeemed me from the earthly hell (I helped create).
I leave you with His comforting Word to me:
Psalm 116
Thanksgiving for Deliverance from Death.
1I love the LORD, because He hears
My voice and my supplications.
2Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
3The cords of death encompassed me
And the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow.
4Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!"
5Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate.
6The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
7Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
8For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling.
9I shall walk before the LORD
In the land of the living.
10I believed when I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."
11I said in my alarm,
"All men are liars."
12What shall I render to the LORD
For all His benefits toward me?
13I shall lift up the cup of salvation
And call upon the name of the LORD.
14I shall pay my vows to the LORD,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people.
15Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His godly ones.
16O LORD, surely I am Your servant,
I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid,
You have loosed my bonds.
17To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
And call upon the name of the LORD.
18I shall pay my vows to the LORD,
Oh may it be in the presence of all His people,
19In the courts of the LORD'S house,
In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD!
On March 8, 200O Jesus became my Lord and Savior. On August 4, 2007 He lifted me out of the miry pit of depression, anxiety, fear and antidepressants. On October 3, 2008 He became my Life.
Jesus is my Life.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Last night was awesome!
At Camp White Pines we are met in the driveway by several boys to help us carry everything in. One is a new fellow. Helpful as can be!
We met in a very small class room...and have to carry more desks in the room. We had 18 boys last night. What a great group of young men! By now, they know what to do to get set up. Ice in cups, drinks ready. Pass out the snacks that Laurie has lovingly prepared. Chris asked the blessing, "Bow your head as a sign of respect" and off he goes! Amen!
One of the counselors came to Andy about getting some of the new, younger kids into the group. Seems our regular boys are quite the leaders. Andy told the man that we just don't have enough room for more...so we are hoping they will make arrangements for us to somehow have a bigger room.
One of the boys, Dylan was in such a down mood. The boys had gotten new black hoodies and Dylan's was over his head. When I asked him what was wrong he showed me a print out from the computer. One of his friends had been killed in a car accident. During our teaching time he went out with Andy. I think that really helped because he seemed better after Andy spent some time praying and talking with Him.
Laurie always starts us out with music and telling the boys how much they mean to us. We love and care for them. You can surely tell it when Laurie talks with them!
Marcus spent some time with Andy...along with one of the other boys, "Newport". Newport was actually counseling Marcus WITH Andy! Amen to that!
Prayer Request per the guys:
AJ: (He didn't write a prayer request down)
Thankful to God for: Ya'll coming every Thursday, it really helps me out
Chris: Me to stay on right path, my family
Thankful to God for:
Kyle (sweet kid): Don't pray for me, pray for everyone in the world that needs God in their life
Thankful to God for:Being so great to me
Jvorriean: My family, my situation, help me to get home faster so I can be there for my family especially my niece, little sister and cousin
Thankful to God for: Being my Lord, Savior and Father
James: Going home in December and my mom that she moves to * to be closer to me
Thankful to God for: Mom, sisters, brothers and aunts..anyone helping me to stay on the right track, I am thankful for seeing you all every Thursday
Joshua: For me to go home and stay out of harms way
Thankful to God for: Letting me get 90 days and no probation
Ronald: For me and my mother and that everything goes well for us when I go home
Thankful to God for: I am thankful for being here and to learn and to learn from my mistakes
Rashaun: Anything that you can possibly think of...I need all the prayer I can get
Thankful to God for: Waking me up to see another day. Blessing me with all the blessings that He does and bringing me into this life for someone to care about me
Dylan: the family of my friend killed in a car crash and his friends that was close to him
Thankful to God for:
Marcale: Pray that I can go home and make something of myself, pray for my family so that they can have good life, pray so that my peeps (LOL) can do right so they can make better decisions
Thankful to God for:
Michael: Getting all of our gold cards so I can get sergeant and go home in December
Thankful to God for: Keeping my family safe and waking me up every morning.
Tyrist: That God came into my heart and that my time go by quick, also pray for my family and friend
Thankful to God for:
Zach: Going home and getting and staying on the right track, for everyone to find Christ, including me, also for my Nanny to get better
Thankful to God for: For the team (us), life, friends, family and for everything He has done for us. Also, love! Thanks!
Arkeevis: Pray for me so that I can be all that I can be so that I can make something of myself
Thankful to God for: I'm thankful to God because He put me on this earth and He's the only person who can judge me.
Newport: Didn't fill out sheet
I'll ask the boys to give me more info on the Gold Cards Michael mentioned. I know it has to do with behavior, leadership etc.
We have several leaving in the next few weeks. Laurie always buys them a gift bag with a Bible, devotional book and goodies. If anyone would like to contribute to that please let us know.
Things we need:
Stamps
Capri Suns
Snack crackers (peanut butter, cheese)
Cups
Paper Towels
Long White Envelopes
Andy and I meet at our church, Bethlehem Baptist at 6:30 on Monday nights to write the boys at Upstate Evaluation Center if you would like to join us, please do so! They love getting letters and most don't hardly get any.
I will post the prayer request from Upstate Evaluation Center later.
Thanks for praying for us!
Andy, Laurie and Starla
At Camp White Pines we are met in the driveway by several boys to help us carry everything in. One is a new fellow. Helpful as can be!
We met in a very small class room...and have to carry more desks in the room. We had 18 boys last night. What a great group of young men! By now, they know what to do to get set up. Ice in cups, drinks ready. Pass out the snacks that Laurie has lovingly prepared. Chris asked the blessing, "Bow your head as a sign of respect" and off he goes! Amen!
One of the counselors came to Andy about getting some of the new, younger kids into the group. Seems our regular boys are quite the leaders. Andy told the man that we just don't have enough room for more...so we are hoping they will make arrangements for us to somehow have a bigger room.
One of the boys, Dylan was in such a down mood. The boys had gotten new black hoodies and Dylan's was over his head. When I asked him what was wrong he showed me a print out from the computer. One of his friends had been killed in a car accident. During our teaching time he went out with Andy. I think that really helped because he seemed better after Andy spent some time praying and talking with Him.
Laurie always starts us out with music and telling the boys how much they mean to us. We love and care for them. You can surely tell it when Laurie talks with them!
Marcus spent some time with Andy...along with one of the other boys, "Newport". Newport was actually counseling Marcus WITH Andy! Amen to that!
Prayer Request per the guys:
AJ: (He didn't write a prayer request down)
Thankful to God for: Ya'll coming every Thursday, it really helps me out
Chris: Me to stay on right path, my family
Thankful to God for:
Kyle (sweet kid): Don't pray for me, pray for everyone in the world that needs God in their life
Thankful to God for:Being so great to me
Jvorriean: My family, my situation, help me to get home faster so I can be there for my family especially my niece, little sister and cousin
Thankful to God for: Being my Lord, Savior and Father
James: Going home in December and my mom that she moves to * to be closer to me
Thankful to God for: Mom, sisters, brothers and aunts..anyone helping me to stay on the right track, I am thankful for seeing you all every Thursday
Joshua: For me to go home and stay out of harms way
Thankful to God for: Letting me get 90 days and no probation
Ronald: For me and my mother and that everything goes well for us when I go home
Thankful to God for: I am thankful for being here and to learn and to learn from my mistakes
Rashaun: Anything that you can possibly think of...I need all the prayer I can get
Thankful to God for: Waking me up to see another day. Blessing me with all the blessings that He does and bringing me into this life for someone to care about me
Dylan: the family of my friend killed in a car crash and his friends that was close to him
Thankful to God for:
Marcale: Pray that I can go home and make something of myself, pray for my family so that they can have good life, pray so that my peeps (LOL) can do right so they can make better decisions
Thankful to God for:
Michael: Getting all of our gold cards so I can get sergeant and go home in December
Thankful to God for: Keeping my family safe and waking me up every morning.
Tyrist: That God came into my heart and that my time go by quick, also pray for my family and friend
Thankful to God for:
Zach: Going home and getting and staying on the right track, for everyone to find Christ, including me, also for my Nanny to get better
Thankful to God for: For the team (us), life, friends, family and for everything He has done for us. Also, love! Thanks!
Arkeevis: Pray for me so that I can be all that I can be so that I can make something of myself
Thankful to God for: I'm thankful to God because He put me on this earth and He's the only person who can judge me.
Newport: Didn't fill out sheet
I'll ask the boys to give me more info on the Gold Cards Michael mentioned. I know it has to do with behavior, leadership etc.
We have several leaving in the next few weeks. Laurie always buys them a gift bag with a Bible, devotional book and goodies. If anyone would like to contribute to that please let us know.
Things we need:
Stamps
Capri Suns
Snack crackers (peanut butter, cheese)
Cups
Paper Towels
Long White Envelopes
Andy and I meet at our church, Bethlehem Baptist at 6:30 on Monday nights to write the boys at Upstate Evaluation Center if you would like to join us, please do so! They love getting letters and most don't hardly get any.
I will post the prayer request from Upstate Evaluation Center later.
Thanks for praying for us!
Andy, Laurie and Starla
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Camp White Pines and Upstate Evaluation Center
I have decided to "redo" my blog. I am not really much of a blogger. I post a new blog here and there. I deleted all of them but one...and that is my testimony from last year.
God has been SO amazing this last year. Nick was out of a job for 11 months. All of our bills were paid and we never went hungry. Our church family has been truly...Jesus. We love them so! Nick is now working a job an hour and a half away but we are praying that when the time is right He will provide a job closer to home. Amen.
The kiddos are well. Allison is really getting piled up in college and she is part-time Children's Minister at our church. Cody has a new puppy named Macey that had parvo but is now doing well. He is driving to school everyday then has Cross Country practice. Johnie is doing well in school...could be better :)...and likes super corny jokes...a master at the Rubix cube!
This last year Jesus has had me on quite a journey. I really wish I had the gift of words to express what is going in me. But, I don't. It's Jesus. What began last year on Oct. 3, 2008...has been ongoing and evolving over the last year. My blog from November 3, 2008 will kind of explain it. I guess what best describes it are these verses:
Acts 5
17But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy.
18They laid hands on (Peter and) the apostles and put them in a public jail.
19But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the gates of the prison, and taking them out he said,
20"Go, stand and speak to the people in the temple the whole message of this Life."
Colossians 1
25Of this church (the body of Christ) I (Paul) was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God,
26that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations, but has now been manifested to His saints,
27to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
28We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.
29For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.
So what do these two verses have to do with what Christ is doing in and through me? I have been called to teach the whole message of this Life. The whole message being that when we trust and believe in Jesus...He comes and lives in us. This Life is Jesus (John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 10:10b "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Colossians 3:3-4 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory).
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
We are always trying to find out what God's will is for our life. We make it so difficult. We think, "maybe THIS is what God wants me to do for Him." And we do because that is what we think we should do. We don't wait on God. We forge ahead and ask God to bless it.
I have done that so much. But unexpectedly and in NO WAY what I thought would be God's desire for my life...there it is!
Since God began this great work in me, this revelation of Jesus last year, I have shared my testimony several times. One such time was during the last night of Vacation Bible School. Afterwards, David Herndon and Andy Rollins came up to me and asked me to share my testimony with the boys at Upstate Evaluation Center in Union County. These boys are being held for various crimes they have committed. At UEC they are evaluated at to whether or not they go home, to a camp or another jail.
I had already agreed with God that wherever He wanted me to tell others about this Life...I would. So one Thursday night in August Nick and I drove down and met David, Andy and Laurie Ballenger. There were some 30 boys there that night and I shared with them how broken people have broken children. We are all broken. We are born broken because we have no relationship or fellowship with God. Our relationship with God had been broken by our first parents, Adam and Eve. And we have continued that cycle. The only way we can become unbroken...complete and whole is through Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you...it's as if God grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "HERE". But me, being me...didn't really want to spend my every Thursday night there. For goodness sakes, I do enough already don't I? I was not willing to give so much.
Then in September our church had a missions conference. Missionaries from all over were there that week. On Sunday September 13th, Dr. Jerry Rankin, president of the International Missions Board preached. He spoke about being "willing". I had already told God that morning that I just wasn't willing to go wherever. See, my problem was that I didn't have the desire to go overseas or anywhere like that. But Dr. Rankin said, "It's not an external calling from God...it's internal." I though because I didn't have an inward calling from God to go...wherever...that it was me. That I wasn't really willing. But you know, that just wasn't God's calling for me. I was trying to make other peoples calling, my own. God was calling me, inwardly...without a doubt..elsewhere. Dr. Ranking looked right at me and asked..."Are you willing?". I said, "Lord, he's talking to me." And God spoke to me and said, plain as day, "No, I am."
Well Amen. Starla, are you willing to go and teach this whole Life, Christ in you, the hope of glory to these boys?
Yes.
So on Thursday September 19th...I began going down to Camp White Pines with Laurie and Andy. I am teaching the devotional books wrote by Will Gunter (my kids youth pastor and my very dear friend) and Scott Wolfe of InYou Ministries (inyou.org), "A Brand New Me." We met at Bethlehem Baptist Church at 4:30 on Thursdays. We are at Camp White Pines from 5-6:45 and from there to Upstate Evaluation Center from 7-8:30 (or so). Then on our way home we read the prayer requests the boys write out.
At Camp White Pines the boys are there for longer periods of time. It is voluntary to come to "church". Andy and Laurie have been going there since July of this year. Sweet, sweet Laurie was providing MEALS for the boys because they were missing supper. Now they are held for them and she provides WONDERFUL desserts, snacks and treats for them. She also has praise music and words for them every week. She also writes each boy in attendance a LETTER every week. We have to keep our list down to around 17-19 each week. They want to come in but we just don't have the room, yet. But the smaller group is so good! I love getting to know these boys, praying for them and interacting with them. Almost ALL the boys at both places come from broken homes. Most have no father figure. Most ask us pray mostly for their mothers and grandparents. A lot of them have children. Their ages are typically 13-17.
At UEC (Upstate Evaluation Center) the boys are there weeks at at time. It is also voluntary, the boys come if they want...nobody makes them. A guard is with us at all times. We have 20-30 boys there usually. Some come in with long hair and within a week or so they get a buzz cut. They look MUCH better! Andy or David usually teach at UEC. Laurie did provide snacks there but some were taking them out and they are not allowed to do so...so that's on hold for a bit. We have a song or two there also.
These boys are hungry. They are thirsty. We feed them the Bread of Life and the Living Water.
I will ask Andy, Laurie and David if they have time to write about how they began going to Camp White Pines and Upstate Evaluation Center and anything else they would like to share.
Each week I am going to share with you prayer requests and concerns from the boys. Please pray for them and for us each week as we share Life with them. If you would like to go down with us..we'd love for you to come! You must be 18 years or older and NOT on parole :)
If you would like to provide snacks sometime...contact me and let me know!
Thank all of you...and remember...
"Christ in you, the hope of glory"!
Starla
God has been SO amazing this last year. Nick was out of a job for 11 months. All of our bills were paid and we never went hungry. Our church family has been truly...Jesus. We love them so! Nick is now working a job an hour and a half away but we are praying that when the time is right He will provide a job closer to home. Amen.
The kiddos are well. Allison is really getting piled up in college and she is part-time Children's Minister at our church. Cody has a new puppy named Macey that had parvo but is now doing well. He is driving to school everyday then has Cross Country practice. Johnie is doing well in school...could be better :)...and likes super corny jokes...a master at the Rubix cube!
This last year Jesus has had me on quite a journey. I really wish I had the gift of words to express what is going in me. But, I don't. It's Jesus. What began last year on Oct. 3, 2008...has been ongoing and evolving over the last year. My blog from November 3, 2008 will kind of explain it. I guess what best describes it are these verses:
Acts 5
17But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy.
18They laid hands on (Peter and) the apostles and put them in a public jail.
19But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the gates of the prison, and taking them out he said,
20"Go, stand and speak to the people in the temple the whole message of this Life."
Colossians 1
25Of this church (the body of Christ) I (Paul) was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God,
26that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations, but has now been manifested to His saints,
27to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
28We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.
29For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.
So what do these two verses have to do with what Christ is doing in and through me? I have been called to teach the whole message of this Life. The whole message being that when we trust and believe in Jesus...He comes and lives in us. This Life is Jesus (John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 10:10b "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Colossians 3:3-4 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory).
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
We are always trying to find out what God's will is for our life. We make it so difficult. We think, "maybe THIS is what God wants me to do for Him." And we do because that is what we think we should do. We don't wait on God. We forge ahead and ask God to bless it.
I have done that so much. But unexpectedly and in NO WAY what I thought would be God's desire for my life...there it is!
Since God began this great work in me, this revelation of Jesus last year, I have shared my testimony several times. One such time was during the last night of Vacation Bible School. Afterwards, David Herndon and Andy Rollins came up to me and asked me to share my testimony with the boys at Upstate Evaluation Center in Union County. These boys are being held for various crimes they have committed. At UEC they are evaluated at to whether or not they go home, to a camp or another jail.
I had already agreed with God that wherever He wanted me to tell others about this Life...I would. So one Thursday night in August Nick and I drove down and met David, Andy and Laurie Ballenger. There were some 30 boys there that night and I shared with them how broken people have broken children. We are all broken. We are born broken because we have no relationship or fellowship with God. Our relationship with God had been broken by our first parents, Adam and Eve. And we have continued that cycle. The only way we can become unbroken...complete and whole is through Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you...it's as if God grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "HERE". But me, being me...didn't really want to spend my every Thursday night there. For goodness sakes, I do enough already don't I? I was not willing to give so much.
Then in September our church had a missions conference. Missionaries from all over were there that week. On Sunday September 13th, Dr. Jerry Rankin, president of the International Missions Board preached. He spoke about being "willing". I had already told God that morning that I just wasn't willing to go wherever. See, my problem was that I didn't have the desire to go overseas or anywhere like that. But Dr. Rankin said, "It's not an external calling from God...it's internal." I though because I didn't have an inward calling from God to go...wherever...that it was me. That I wasn't really willing. But you know, that just wasn't God's calling for me. I was trying to make other peoples calling, my own. God was calling me, inwardly...without a doubt..elsewhere. Dr. Ranking looked right at me and asked..."Are you willing?". I said, "Lord, he's talking to me." And God spoke to me and said, plain as day, "No, I am."
Well Amen. Starla, are you willing to go and teach this whole Life, Christ in you, the hope of glory to these boys?
Yes.
So on Thursday September 19th...I began going down to Camp White Pines with Laurie and Andy. I am teaching the devotional books wrote by Will Gunter (my kids youth pastor and my very dear friend) and Scott Wolfe of InYou Ministries (inyou.org), "A Brand New Me." We met at Bethlehem Baptist Church at 4:30 on Thursdays. We are at Camp White Pines from 5-6:45 and from there to Upstate Evaluation Center from 7-8:30 (or so). Then on our way home we read the prayer requests the boys write out.
At Camp White Pines the boys are there for longer periods of time. It is voluntary to come to "church". Andy and Laurie have been going there since July of this year. Sweet, sweet Laurie was providing MEALS for the boys because they were missing supper. Now they are held for them and she provides WONDERFUL desserts, snacks and treats for them. She also has praise music and words for them every week. She also writes each boy in attendance a LETTER every week. We have to keep our list down to around 17-19 each week. They want to come in but we just don't have the room, yet. But the smaller group is so good! I love getting to know these boys, praying for them and interacting with them. Almost ALL the boys at both places come from broken homes. Most have no father figure. Most ask us pray mostly for their mothers and grandparents. A lot of them have children. Their ages are typically 13-17.
At UEC (Upstate Evaluation Center) the boys are there weeks at at time. It is also voluntary, the boys come if they want...nobody makes them. A guard is with us at all times. We have 20-30 boys there usually. Some come in with long hair and within a week or so they get a buzz cut. They look MUCH better! Andy or David usually teach at UEC. Laurie did provide snacks there but some were taking them out and they are not allowed to do so...so that's on hold for a bit. We have a song or two there also.
These boys are hungry. They are thirsty. We feed them the Bread of Life and the Living Water.
I will ask Andy, Laurie and David if they have time to write about how they began going to Camp White Pines and Upstate Evaluation Center and anything else they would like to share.
Each week I am going to share with you prayer requests and concerns from the boys. Please pray for them and for us each week as we share Life with them. If you would like to go down with us..we'd love for you to come! You must be 18 years or older and NOT on parole :)
If you would like to provide snacks sometime...contact me and let me know!
Thank all of you...and remember...
"Christ in you, the hope of glory"!
Starla
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)