Seasons of This Life

As I sit here, watching the sun rise- winter has arrived in South Carolina.  It's 23 degrees and frost is on the ground.

It's truly been a long hot summer.  Hottest on record.  Factor in the lack of rain and we are in drought.  We need 11 inches of rain to catch us back up.  Now, the seasons have begun to change.  The roses and daisies that were blooming in the winter have wilted with the frost.  

I sense seasons beginning to change within my self also.  I feel God, not calling exactly, but as if the time of waiting, working, resting, being- are ready to spring forth it's fruit.  

As if the "time" has come.  What "time" would that be, Lord?  

I was reading Oswald Chambers this morning:

God pushes you to the limit of your individuality where a choice must be made.  The choice is either to say, "I will not surrender," or to surrender, breaking the hard shell of individuality, which allows the spiritual life to emerge.  The Holy Spirit narrows it down every time to one thing, individuality.  God wants to bring you into union with Himself, but unless you are willing to give up your right to yourself, He cannot.  "....let him deny himself..." When you deny the independent right to yourself then the real life- the spiritual life is allow the opportunity to grow.  

A long time ago I learned that I cannot do all or be all to all.  I had to make a choice.  Well, Nick and I had to make a choice.  I'm sure all parents have to make this choice.  And it's an individual choice.  My choice doesn't make mine any better or worse than yours and vice versa.  Parents have to take all things into consideration and do what's best for their family.  

When I was little my mother was a stay at home mother.  She also kept our house immaculately clean.  She cooked breakfast and dinner.  She had a laundry day.  She had a huge garden and canned food.  My mom was always working.  Everything was always so nice.  When tobacco stripping time came around, she would do that to make extra money for the family.  My Mom and Dad worked so hard to provide for the family- to give us a comfortable and warm home.  We didn't have a lot but what we had was worked for and taken care of.  

And then one Saturday in April when I was 9, my Mom was killed when a drunk driver hit our car and our life completely changed.  No longer did we come home to a clean house after school but a cold, lifeless house.  It felt to me that the light went out of our home that day.  

When our children started school I told Nick that I did NOT want my kids to come home to a cold, lightless house.  So we did what we had to to be home with our children.  For a long time, Nick worked nights and I worked days.  Then finally when Johnie was starting school Nick got on day shift and I started cleaning houses while the kids were in school so Nick took them to school and  I could pick them up every day from school.  Cleaning houses allowed me the flexibility to arrange my own schedule and to make really good money for parttime work.  

Last year I cut my schedule down a bit.  I now work some days and some some nights (cleaning offices).  I have been with two of my families I clean for- 16 years and 14 years.  They are like family to me.  

Cleaning has allowed me to 1) make the money our family needs 2) flexibility 3) I just wasn't made to "be still" so this helps me to stay moving 4) I like being by myself so I put an audiobook on and my day is good to go!

But to everything there is a season.  Read Ecclesiastes 3. 

My children are grown.  They don't need me to pick them up or be home when they get home from school.  The truth is- they don't need me.  Not really.  They are all self-sufficient adults.  Just like we raised them to be.  Our philosophy was "God willing they will be adults longer than they were children so raise them to be great adults."  Our role as children-raising parents is over.  Now were are, well, parents to adults.  Again, to everything there is a season.  

I see God's hand guiding my past.  I see how He has used what Nick and I lacked individually growing up and how it shaped us as husband and wife- and as parents.  What we didn't want for our children.  Nobody wants to go through hurt and suffering but- what if when God reveals Himself to you, and you trust and believe in Jesus- and Jesus makes you His home- and He begins to "clean house"  in you and "put things back in proper order" in you- what IF you learn that He has allowed all those hurts and sufferings to form you into Who He created you to be?  He didn't cause the suffering and hurt because people make choices- and the choices have consequences and those consequences affect many.  But He used  suffering and hurt to bring YOU to HIM- the HEALER.  

What is mean't to be evil, God intends for good- not just my good, or Nick's good but even our children and our children's children good.  And many others. 

For when Jesus brings healing into your life- emotional, physical, mental, spiritual- it's not just for YOU.  It's for you to share of His mighty power of resurrection.  What was dead, is now alive.  What was a death for you-  through the might of His resurrection power is now life to others.  2 Corinthians 4:12, 2 Corinthians 1:2-4

To quote a secular song, "Where do we go from here now that all the children are growing up?"

Well, again, not surprisingly God has been preparing me- and Nick for several years.  Like I said before, I can't do it all- not without getting wore down.  

2017 is coming and God has been speaking to my heart.  He has "nudged" me.  He is rearranging me- and Nick.  And it's awesome that He is preparing us both so we can do what He has called us to do.  I thank Him for creating me not to be a "dive on in" type of woman but one who "eases into".  He knows if I dive in- I will be overwhelmed and drown.  He also knows that it takes two, Nick and me, for us to ease into the next season without being overwhelmed.  Nick is as much a partaker of God's great healing in our lives-individually and as one in marriage- as I am a partaker.  

We are ready, Lord.  I am looking forward to what You will do and speak to me, in me, and through me in 2017.  I pray others will also receive Your healing through the power of Your resurrection- so they, too , have can Life and have You abundantly.