August 4, 2007! 5 years ago today I picked up a book a friend had given me a couple of months before entitled, "Get Out of That Pit" by Beth Moore. I thought, "Well, I'm in a pit- might as well read it."
So, coffee and book in hand I went to the pool deck to read some of it. I read the whole book that day. I couldn't put it down. God spoke so clearly to me. It was time to get out of the pit of depression, anger, fear and control.
I sit here 5 years later- just finished reading my journal from those days. WOW God! Thank YOU!
God revealed to me that IT WAS TIME. Depression had engulfed me. I couldn't function without antidepressants. They numbed my racing mind. My emotions were never on an even keel. They were erratic, great highs and lows. Thoughts would swirl constantly. I told Nick that my mind felt those poor mice that constantly spinned on their little wheel.
I hated living that way. I hated never feeling calm, at peace. I hated being angry. I hated feeling like I had to have control over every situation. I hated being so very very fearful of everything. I hated my self. I hated my life. I hated my past. I hated my present.
BUT GOD.
But God was at work around me. Through our youth pastor at the time, God was doing a great work in his life- and he began to teach what God was doing in him.
And God was at work IN me. Through others teaching the Truth of Who God is- speaking the Truth of Him to me. Reading "Get out of that Pit", was just another way of God telling me it was time to lay Starla (past Starla, present Starla and future Starla) aside and fix my whole self on HIM.
Within one month- I was off all antidepressants! Why? Because God has orchestrated it that the BRAND NAME antidepressants was the only kind I could take. My insurance would not pay for BRAND NAME only the GENERIC. I was allergic to the generic. So, there was God saying- "No more dulling your emotions Starla- I am going to heal you."
And He did!!!!!
He did!
He did!
5 years ago God pulled me out of the pit of depression! And has revealed Himself to me in such a way that I don't NEED a pill to control my emotions. I need Jesus. He is Sufficient.
What a journey I have been on since! Oh, the things He has spoke into me. Stripping away layers and healing me.
Thank You, my Jesus-my Healer!
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