What to do?

I am kind of lost right now.  I just don't know what to do.  I am not really in conflict but I just really feel like I am adrift in the sea.  With NO land in sight.

I have a busy life.  Who doesn't?  I work, I run, I take care of my little family (supper, housecleaning, laundry, paying bills, yardwork), I minister to teenage boys in jail on Thursday nights, I teach a senior adult ladies SS class, I go to yoga on Tuesday nights, I work some nights until 10pm (after working during the day).

Am I in my little row boat, rowing circles in the ocean?

"As you go, make disciples." - Jerry Rankin

So where is my lostness?  I feel like my life is drifting until the next big thing.  I'm just doing what needs to be done- until then.  But, life isn't made up of big moments, it's make up of little moments.

I am living the little moments. And I am not finding them enough.  I want to say that it is God, calling me to do something but I don't know it is.  But that is not true.  That is a lie from the enemy.

It's just me, not finding my day to day existence- duties- life- enough.  It's me, saying that where God has me, in this season, is not enough.

I really struggle.  There are some issues around me that I find so so hard.  And I can't understand why God is letting something so good, fall apart.  Why He is letting us struggle, kick against the goads?  Why because of the actions of the very few that a whole lot of people have to suffer their consequences?

Where is discernment?  Where is intimacy with Christ?

I am talking about several issues here but in a way, they are all joined.

I want to be apart of something going forward but I am apart of something rowing in circles.  Unless I row my boat away from all the other boats that are following behind the main row boat, in circles, I will stay stuck here.

Here's the thing.  1)  God wants me to stay with them.  2)  If I join another group- they are going in a circle of their own.

I do not know of any "groups" around me that are rowing, in the same direction- side by side- to Land.  What I see are a few rowers, here and there, leaving their circles and joining a group that row together toward Land, encouraging, loving, teaching, fellowshiping- then going back to encourage, love, teach and fellowship their original "circle group".  And when they get to join the other group rowing toward Land- sometimes, they take other rowers from their group for refreshment and nourishment- for a  bit.

You see this group rowing toward Land, is not really a group.  It's constantly having rowers come and join- getting refreshed and nourished then going back to their group.  This is my Abiding Grace Group.  Ever moving toward Jesus.  Yet, in Jesus.  This is the group that doesn't row in circles but allows the current to draw them in.  We are not a church but we are the church.  We are the ones in the church that stays in the churches that need to know the Truth.  We are the few that teach and speak the "whole message of this Life, in the temple."

Sometimes I have to row out of my group so I can breathe.  My group suffocates me.  Occasionally freedom in Christ is taught but it is not really believed.  My group is focused on one thing  most of the time- how to get others in our group.  Then we teach them how to row in circles.  Like everyone else.  While at the same times, on the inside- the are drowning.  But that's ok, just "row like us".

Oh Jesus.  I need to breathe.  Breath of Life- alive in Me.  Fill my lungs, my cells, my blood with your Oxygen.  Pure.  Thank You, for saving me from drowning.  Help me, not to grow weary with my group but to always share Life.  To speak in the church the whole message of You.