I am sitting here on this cool September morning. Not too cool but cool after a summer of hot mornings.
I look out my bathroom window and I see my chickens. A dream I have had for years. I also see the beginning of my raised vegetable garden I will have next spring. I see the Climbing Joseph's Ladder rose my Dad got me for my birthday in March. It's now heading toward 6 feet tall and about 10 roses on it. My gardenia bushes are blooming and the smell drifts through the open window. My front porch is inviting with a couch you can lay on to read or nap.
This is my first free day this month. I've been on the go every day this month. Today I will take my faithful dog, Sebastian for a run. My dog, who is right now, laying at my feet.
I sit here, listening to Phil Wickham singing, Mercy, "Oh such Mercy. He saved the whole world when He hung on the tree, oh such Mercy!"
My house is clean. Laundry done. Porches swept. Oh yes, there are things to do. I have some plans for the day. Work on an outline for Grace Girls. Maybe get out in my flower beds- cut, clean out, trim.
I've waited for this day for two weeks. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed being with family- seeing new things and doing new things. "Wherever you are, be all there." But- these days. Home. My home. Puttering and meandering are what my heart longs for. I work hard FOR days like this.
Days like this remind me of my Mom and my Grandma. I think my Grandma found much joy and rest and peace out of these days. I don't think my Mom had much inner peace and rest or joy. I don't think she had gotten there yet. I mean, she was only 39 when she died.
I was 38 when this inner peace, rest and joy began to bubble up in me.
My home is quiet and calm. It's refreshing. It's not always been this way. There were years of angst. When I had no peace, rest or joy. When life was so busy I couldn't breathe or catch up. Oh if I could go back. The things I would do different. But I can't.
But now, right here, right now- I can be a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend who lives in peace, in rest and in joy. That means I may have to do some weeding. Uproot what is not of God. But to also know the difference. See, some "weeds" are actually good for you...DANDELIONS!....and nurture and grow what I thought was NOT of God but actually IS.
How do I know the difference? What to uproot and what to nurture? Abiding. Abiding in Christ and the Holy Spirit will lead, teach, counsel and guide me.
I don't know why my life is where it is right now. Well, I don't know IN AND OF MY SELF. It's not perfect. There are always more bills that come in than money. But God. There is a ping in the motor of the Escape. But God. Our electric bill is sky high. We need a new heat pump. We need a new roof. But God. Nick will be on bloodthinnners for the rest of his life because of what is probably a Protein S deficiency, and our children and grandchildren may have it also. But God.
But it sure is good. But it is all because of God. But God is in the all the moments. But God is the Giver all that we find to be gifts from Him.
The chickens. The rose. The gardenia's. The dogs. The music. The vegetable garden. The clean house. The bloodthinners. The husband that can build, repair, fix, speak love into me and bake. The children that truly truly do love this imperfect mother. The children that have forgiven this imperfect mother. The children that are the light and life of this imperfect mother. WHY ME, GOD? Why have you blessed me so much?
Why have You given me peace and rest and joy? Why have You given me, Your very Self? Why have You given me quiet days? Why have You given me a calming home?
I sit here at this window. The crickets sing. The gardenias sweet fragrance drifts through the window with the breeze. Amy and Karen cluck and peck the ground. Sebastian, faithful dog, close beside me. My sweet grandboy and beloved daughter are right up the road. My "of God" son-in-love is at work. My dark-haired son is at work, such a hard worker is he. My youngest boy is getting ready for school and work. My beloved is at work.
And I thank God. I thank Him for the hard hard years, The years of not wanting to go one more moment of one more day- of wanting to run run run away. I thank Him for the fruit of sticking with it one more moment of one more day. I thank You for the reaping of the sowing. Sowing- one more moment of one more day. Reaping all the moments of the staying, of the trusting, of the abiding, of the resting, of the waiting, of the working, of the tears, of the revelations, of the JOY of enduring- reaping.
Sowing faithfulness. Reaping faithfulness.
Faithful. Full of faith. Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of... Faith.
Jesus...THE Faithful One.
It always comes back to faith. Divine Persuasion.
"Hold on," You say. "Hold on to Me".
I do.
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. - Hebrews 12:1-3
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