Christmas, In Christ Alone

I'm sitting here writing in my journal just pouring my heart out to God.  Christmas is so hard.  So much planning.  Gifts, decorating, parties, church, food, giving- not to mention work and rearranging my work schedule for time off.  It's so so busy. Every day there is something I have to do.  I'm not one of those who "enjoy" Christmas.  It's so demanding.  By the time January gets here I am so thankful!  Relieved!  In need of rest!

Then 'In Christ Alone' comes on Pandora.  This is the time of year we celebrate Christ' birth.  Emmanuel, God with us.  Today Salvation has come.  The truth is we don't really know when Jesus was born.  Some think in September.  I tend to agree with that view.  

https://christiananswers.net/christmas/mythsaboutchristmas.html

It's just that nowadays Christmas isn't simple.  I have about 60 people on my Christmas list.  I feel so inadequate buying and giving gifts.  Even receiving them.  Because I know someone had to work hard, think, go shopping then wrap the gift.  When the truth is- I would just rather spend the evening with them eating and talking.  I'd rather have relationship than material things.  I DO appreciate that someone thinks enough of me to do that- and some are truly gift-givers and love to do so- but for those of us who are not- my goodness- it's tough on us.  And most of us already have everything we NEED or WANT- except spending time in fellowship with others.  I'm coming to understand how important that is in itself.  

In Christ Alone, Give Me Jesus, Where Your Love Ran Red

I feel busy and disconnected from You, Jesus.  My heart is crying out for intimacy.  

Am I ever going to enjoy the 'season'?  I've really tried to this year.  For the first time Nick and I went and got the tree on Wednesday.  We came home and put the lights on.  On Thursday the kids came to decorate- we had chili, pumpkin toffee poke cake and Lily brought peppermint bark!  For the first time BOTH boys had a girl here.  Johnie and Lily.  Cody and Morgan- and her daughter, Layla (2 in January.)  Allison, Ben and Roman.  Roman LOVED the fireplace!  He kept wanting to touch the fire.  That was a special night to me.  I'll post pics later.  : ) 

Jesus, calm this uneasiness in me.  Let me feel Your Presence.

I love You so much.  Thank You.