There are things that happen to you that you can't control. And then there are decisions we make that definitely cause more grief and more despair.
We weren't created to handle "these" things on our own. The truth is WE CAN'T.
I had NO idea how to deal with all the "feelings" I had. Most of the time I couldn't express HOW or WHAT I was feeling and so my "feelings" and my lack of knowing how to deal with them- had results.
The results for me personally were:
fear, anger, depression, control, manipulation
That's my personal "coping mechanisms"- patterns I formed or learned to deal with (the best I knew how) what I couldn't deal with.
I was also on antidepressants for a long time. They would help me "feel normal". I depended on them also to help me cope with life.
My thoughts were based on past experiences and beliefs I held about myself.
My feelings were based on my thoughts.
My actions were based on my feelings.
But there came a time when God said to me, "I want to be the One to help you cope with life. As a matter of fact, I don't want you to just cope I want you to live free and healed. I sent my Son to bring about your freedom and real true life. He did that for you. He lives in you. I want you to live your life like He lived His life- in complete dependence on Me. I am Enough."
And you know- it was hard. When He began to strip away all layers of protection I had built to cope, live, survive (never flourish, by the way)- it was tough. But so healing. So freeing. So cleansing. So whole. So releasing.
I was no longer chained down to my self. I was no longer drowning in a pit of Starla. I was no longer enslaved. I was to be- the real me.
Sometimes that fear, that anger, that control, that depression/oppression wants to take me back down- down-down- spiraling out of control.
But Jesus. Oh, but Jesus. He says, "I've got you. Do you believe/trust me?"
Romans 8- Who or what can EVER separate you from My love?
Colossians 1:17- I hold you together.
Hebrews 12:1-3 Lay aside all other ways of coping and fix your self on Me- and you won't grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 13:5 I will NEVER leave/desert or forsake you.
You see, I don't WANT to cope any other way but in the Way. I want to be healed. I want to live free. I don't want to act like that old dead me. I want to be the alive me- the real me- the truest me. I want to be me that Jesus lives His life in and through me-me.
I want and choose victory.
Some thoughts from Grace Life International in Charlotte, NC:
-our actions are usually based on our feelings
-our feelings are usually based on our thoughts
-our thoughts are based on our heart-level beliefs and past experiences
-to attempt to control behavior, feelings or thoughts WITHOUT changing the underlying belief system can be helpful for the short-term, but does not usually hold up over time
-when the underlying belief system is changed, our thoughts, feelings and actions are changed automatically
Romans 8: 1-17
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.
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