The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning

The last year Patricia and I have lead 3 different studies in my home.

Grace Girls

Ephesians

Sidetracked in the Wilderness

After that- I was pretty drained. 

 I shared with a friend "I haven't blogged.  I haven't wrote anything.  I haven't really DONE anything.  But I am reading a book by Jessie Penn-Lewis, Life in the Spirit and I just got today and have started reading- The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning.  

I am waiting.  On what I do not know.  I am seeking while at the same time resting.  That's the best I can explain it.  Not for a fresh anointing but more revelation of Him- in Him, by Him- through Him.  I am thirsty for this.  And in the fullness of His time- He will fill me to overflowing."

Reading JPL and BM has put me in the Scriptures in a wonderful way.  Oh the beauty!  I love Paul's letters and I love the original Greek words.  I have to laugh sometimes with God.  He created me individually and unique.  When He formed me in my mother's womb I can imagine Him saying, "This girl.  This girl is MINE.  She's going to neither hate nor love going to school.  She's going to float through school with all her mind on getting married to that boy of Mine.  But ONE DAY, she will SEE ME and WANT ME.  So I am going to fill her with a love for definitions.  I will speak My love, joy, peace, acceptance, completeness- ALL OF ME- through definitions.  Hahahaha!  Oh this girl of Mine!  She will find Me in the meaning of words- LOGOS!"

I don't want to go out and do something great for Jesus.  Brennan said it best, "I prefer the pleasure of Jesus' company to the transitory pleasure of a host of other attractions.  Why?  Why am I not satisfied with what seems to satisfy so many?"

A man came and spoke at our church one time and said, "You can be so heavenly minded you are no earthly good."  I wanted to say, "Umm...I think you need to read your Bible instead of believing old cliques.  Therefore if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on things above not on things of the earth.  For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  (Colossians 3:1-2)."

I find myself seeking- wanting- more and more an eternal awareness of- well- the Trinity.  All of God.  Father, Son and Spirit.  An unseen, eternal awareness/reality of the fullness of God.  To experience/participate eternal communion in Him.  Not just to find myself in Him but to find Him, in me.  To abide in Him and Him in me.  The word abide to me means "to live in".  As in He makes me His abode, He is my abode.  I am His temporary tent on this earth.  I am His temporary home on this earth.  He is my eternal Home.  I am now "a place to lay My head".  And I have a place to curl up and rest- in His arms and lap.  

I don't want to live this life satisfied with what so many find satisfying- yet is SO temporary.  I want to experience in my inner man- the eternal.  The Eternal One. 

This world (the stuff, the busyness, the constant movement) is not my home.  Maybe that is why I don't seem to fit in it so well.  I find solace in my garden and quietness.  I find strength and joy and peace when my fingernails are filled with dirt.  Listening to the birds.  Smelling the sweetness of the spring air.  Tasting the bitter herbs fresh from the earth.  The explosion of greens, purples and yellows!  I experience intimacy with the Creator of all this- as I breathe in- LIFE.  

Maybe I am rambling this morning.  I can't seem to SAY what is going on in my inner man.  This longing.  This desire.  I really don't think this desire will ever be REALLY filled until this life of mine on this earth is over.  Because- I can't find satisfaction here but in the eternal.  

But when I do experience this fullness of the desire is beautiful.  I do experience it in quietness and solitude- and in dirt and herbs, for sure.  But I also experience it when I am with other believers who have "tasted and seen that the Lord is good".  Oh yes, that IS when I experience it the most.  That is "koinonia".  Koinonia is intimate, spiritual communion, oneness and fellowship with God- Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It is also intimate spiritual communion, oneness and fellowship with each other, our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Eternal, spiritual fellowship.  This is whole inner man fellowship not just soulical.  

Koinonia- the pleasure of Jesus' company.  Yes, this.  This is the continual desire of my heart.