Today is a new day....

Starla Ellison

3 mins · Edited · 

I want to be who God created me anew to be. I just do. Every part of me- body, soul and spirit yearns to simple be who He created me to be.

On March 8, 2000 when I truly believed in Jesus- Who He is and what He had done for me on that old rugged cross and that He defeated death and rose again- YES! I believe this! It is true! Then God made me a new creation in Christ and the old Starla was gone. It took me about 8 years and someone to point these biblical truths out to me- for me to understand this. I was walking around a brand new person on the inside and didn't even know it. Romans 4:17b God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist.

But now, I know these truths and He continues to reveal more and more of Himself to me. Where do I go from here? Time and time again Jesus has spoke to me and told me it's time to go where He is leading me. I've said time and time again- and in various ways, "Ok, just let me get this straightened out and I will."

Something always comes up- and I make those excuses. I know what it is: 1) We've worked SO hard to get where we are today that I feel that if I take the next step everything we've worked so hard for will fall apart and it will be my fault. 2) I am simply scared to do this "new" thing.

I guess you could say that again, I am an unbelieving believer. I'm doubting God's calling, God's sovereignty, God's provision, God's protection. I admit it, I like feeling secure. I like things all lined up in a row. But listen to me! I am making God out to be an insecure God- a flaky God! A God who calls yet doesn't provide? I am making God sound like a weak human being and that IS NOT GOD! I am believing the lies of the enemy, of my flesh and of the world.

Psalm 62:8
Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.

I have been putting my fears and the lies I am believing IN GOD'S PLACE. I am allowing the doubts and objections to consume me. I am allowing the unknowing and what-if's to rule me. What is the truth? If God has called, God will be Himself- all of Himself- to me. Provider, Sustainer, Friend, Listener, Encourager, Strength, Convicter, Victor, Hope, Peace- and that's just a drop in a bucket that has not bottom. He IS!

Matthew 6:33
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

This life has passed so quick. I am 45 and if I live as long as my paternal grandparents then my life is half over. Do I want to live another day in doubt of God's plan and purpose? Do I want to spend one more day like I've spent the last several months- confused and indecisive? Or do I want to spend the next part of my life BEING and TRUSTING and ABIDING and RESTING?

I believe with all my heart- that having an intimate fellowship and oneness with Jesus is the whole purpose of every person's life. I believe He came to set the captive free. I believe He came to heal the broken. I believe He has spoke these truths to every fiber of my being and He has called me to proclaim these truths.

I believe- and now what? Do I take this next step or do I wait another month, another year, another decade until I'm 90 and I say, "Yeah, God called me to this but I was so busy...."

So, unbelieving.

I have decided to listen and follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back.

If you have made it through this long post would you pray for me? Pray for my courage. For me to boldly take the next step. Pray for my family-my encouragers- as they stand beside me. Thank you. : )