Revelation!

For 38 years of my life I "felt" like something in me was missing. I tried so many ways to fill that emptiness inside of me. I tried to laugh it away, cry it away, medicate it away. I wanted my friends to fill the hole. My family to fill the hole.

I tried to work it away. I tried to buy it away. I tried to give it away.

Nothing worked.

When I was 30 I found the One FILLED the empty space in me. But it can't be that simple is it?

So, I thought I still had an empty space in me- a hole that needed filled- and I tried to stuff more stuff in that empty spot that already been filled.

That's when I became what I call the "good Christian". I read my Bible. I prayed. I studied. I taught. I did good deeds. I went to church and took my kids whenever the doors were open. I gave money.

In reality, I did all this still trying to fill an empty space in me that had ALREADY been filled.

Why didn't someone tell me that that space had ALREADY been filled AND-

the One that filled it wasn't going to let ANYTHING ELSE make me complete and whole.

He rejected ALL the stuff I did FROM and FOR my self. Yeah, even the good stuff.

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please Him-

Romans 14:23b
and whatever is not from faith is sin

"What was missing here? What was I missing? I mean, seriously God, I'm doing all this stuff FOR you and yet I still FEEL like I did before I became a believer? I have no peace. Anger boils within me. I have no joy. My life is a series of one trial or tribulation after another. I am scared to death something is going to happen to my kids and that I am a terrible mother and wife. Nick and the kids would be better off without me. I feel like that any moment my life is going fall apart and I'm doing everything I can to control it and all the people around me. I HAVE THIS CHAOS INSIDE OF ME THAT NEVER NEVER GOES AWAY! Please please please help me!"

BUT GOD!!!!!!

Then when I was 38- 8 years of trying the be the best little Christian I could be (outwardly)- someone begin to tell me-

that Jesus has ALREADY filled that empty void, that empty space, that empty place inside of me. That had been filled the day He completely changed me from inside out. He filled it with Himself. I just didn't know it.

That was 6 and a half years ago- and that is when healing began to take place.

Two people began to speak truth into me. They began to tell me WHAT Jesus has completely done/completed/finished through His life, death, burial, resurrection and ascension. They began to give me a correct concept of WHO God is AND-

who I am because of Him!

With my mind and my emotions- I began to understand. I began to live from this truth:

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

It's all Jesus. He filled that empty space in me a long time ago. He exchanged me. He took my life and gave me a new life, His life. He took the old sinner and made her a saint. He took her unrighteousness and gave her His righteousness. I am holy, sanctified and justified.

I know who I am now, and I know the One Who made me who I am. I choose to live from Him now.

Peace. Joy. Life. Grace. Healing. = Jesus.