Abide in Me

Happy Thanksgiving!

My Thanksgiving break began a bit early. I decided since the kids got off of school on Tuesday I was going to do so also! We are having our Thanksgiving dinner tonight so Allison can go with Ben tomorrow and Nick and I can go to the boys detention centers. So a day of cooking as soon as I log off here.

I wanted to share something crazy that happened over the weekend. My cousin (from my Mom's side of the family), who is a pastor in Ky and his wife (who is also my cousin on my Dad's side of the family and also one of my lifelong best friends) stopped by to stay all night on their way to Parris Island where their son is graduating basic training. My sweet best friend and I sat up late in the night talking and I shared when it was I REALLY trusted and believed in Jesus. She said, No...it was when you were in high school. I said, NO...I know when I really believed and it was when I was 29.

So the next morning she told me to explain to her husband what I had said the night before. I explained that I didn't REALLY believe in Jesus in high school. I had went to the altar, I had even been baptized but I had not really, truly believed. I couldn't even tell you at the time who God was. I had not changed INSIDE at all. My pastor cousin began to tell me that I really WAS saved but didn't realize it. I couldn't believe my ears. I KNOW I wasn't. I KNOW when Jesus became REAL to me. I know when I received Jesus.

Folks, that scares me. I even told him what he said scared me. We had a very long discussion that morning and I can't put everything into this blog but he told me that I was saved and it was just a gradual understanding. He said that during that time was sanctification.

I am going to tell you what I told him:

No, I wasn't. I was NOT born again. I explained to him what being born again truly means. That when I truly believed and trusted Jesus...with ALL that I am, that He came in and made my dead spirit alive. When I believed, old Starla was crucified, dead and buried with Jesus and a NEW Starla, a brand spanking new creation was raised with Jesus! I am NOT who I was. I am a new creation. I told him there was no way Jesus lived and abided in that old person. How could he? I didn't even know who He was. I had no regret, no remorse for the sins I committed. All I thought about was myself. I know who I am now. I know when He came in and exchanged my old self for HIM! Granted a lot of this I didn't realize until this last year but for the last almost 10 years I've never doubted my salvation. I may have doubted a lot of other things...even God...but not my salvation.

And now...I have deep peace. Now...I have true rest. Now...He is my Life. I know He lives in me. KNOW. There is NO other way to explain this...peace and joy...inside of me. It's Jesus. Plain and simple.

So how many teenagers have walked the aisle, spoke some words...yet their life never changed but they were considered "saved"? No wonder we have a bunch of people running around living how they want, doing what they want...but they are "saved". Some of them even have a form of godliness. They do good "things" for Jesus. But try as they might they can't get past those sins that plague them. My pastor/cousin told me this, "I've never tried so hard to convince someone they were saved." WHAT??????

I told him that what he was saying scared me. They are letting kids that "SAY" they are "SAVED" just do what they want because they are "SAVED". Now I can understand why they let their youth go to parties where there is drinking. Now I can understand why the let their youth drink and do what they want, say what they want. Those kids have professed faith (although there in no interest in God at all) and live how they want because they are saved. ARE they really? I guess it's not for me to judge. I told him that I didn't know about anyone else but when I TRULY believed and trusted in Jesus...I KNEW it because there was a LIFE change. Yes, it may have been gradual but that day it started. I KNOW IT. Please don't try to convince me of something that I know INTERNALLY as true or untrue.

He told me that all the times that I "went to the altar" helped me be where I am today. I told Him that if I had died any time after one of those altar visits Jesus would have said to me, "I never knew you". I also told him that it wasn't the altar visits that helped me where I am today it was the sinful life that I was leading. The crushing, dead weight of my sin was killing me. It brought me to Jesus. Not traipsing down an aisle with nothing in my heart seeking Jesus or forgiveness.

I leave you with these verses and with the question my pastor/cousins wife, also my cousin and dear lifelong friend asked me,

"Am I really saved? How do I know?"

My answer to those questions is this...YOU KNOW when you have truly repented and trusted in Jesus. Because He has exchanged your old self with His very Life. You are brand new. And you KNOW it. You are assured. Perfect love casts out fear and you know when Perfect Love is in you.

Matthew 7
17"So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.

18"A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.

19"Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

20"So then, you will know them by their fruits.

21"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.

22"Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'

23"And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'
The Two Foundations
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.

25"And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.

26"Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.

27"The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall."