Reconciliation

Reconciliation

This is going to be a very honest blog.  Sometimes it’s not so much fun to expose our faults and our flesh.  But God has been doing so much in my life the last four and half years – what I am about to talk about is how He used my weaknesses, my faults and my flesh to bring about good.  Yes, God does that.  He uses our negatives to bring about a positive, IN HIM.  For without Him, I can do nothing. 

When I became a believer at the age of 30, my little family went to a small church.  They were so good to us.  Loved us, nurtured us.  It was a good time for us.  But as a couple of years passed and I was ‘learning’ more, I became dissatisfied.  By then I was ‘learning’ a lot from Christian radio (music and pastors) and I just wanted more.  I wanted better (emotion stirring) music and a dynamic teacher- you know, like on the radio.  I thought that if this wasn't happening in a congregation that it was ‘stuck’, unwilling to grow.  And I wanted to grow.  I wanted my family to grow.  I wanted to be a part of “growth”. 

So we left the little church and went to another church where they were ‘growing’!  And boy was it!  The music- “WORSHIP”- stirred me!  Brought me to tears!  I was really “ worshiping’!  The pastor was such a great teacher/speaker!  I loved it!  I soon learned we were “hot prospects”.  I was flattered.  The people surrounded us, befriended us.  It was wonderful! 

But.   We hadn't been there but a few months when a topic came up in the youth that didn't click right with me.  Now, I grew up where my grandparents was one denomination and the denomination we were attending believed a few things different than my grandparents- but after praying about those differences and searching Scriptures- my understanding was different from my grandparents.  But I was OK with that, that wasn't a big deal.  But in the denomination I was attending, what was heard in youth was not what the denomination believed.  I was very upset.  I placed a lot of stock in my opinions at that time.  And before I knew it, the pastor and I had a huge difference of opinion.  It caused a great rift in our relationship.  We eventually left the church- and I took the baggage with me. 

Then GOD!  After getting to the next church, all my kids in youth, the youth pastor began going through his own struggles.  But he allowed God to work those struggles to his good.  He began to speak and teach what God had been revealing to and in him.  Now, that REALLY got me going.  More stuff I had never heard before.  I was about ready to give up on church.  Nobody really knew the truth or what they believed and just taught opinion.  But then the associate pastor (my Sunday School teacher) also taught what the youth pastor did.  Now, the associate pastor just happened to be a son of the wonderful people at our first church.  I trusted what he said because he always backed it up with Scripture AND his life.  He didn't just SAY it, he lived it. 

So did our youth pastor.  But God had to bring me along on my own set of unique circumstances, trials and tribulations.  You can search this blog or email for more about that but God brought me to end of my self, and THERE HE WAS. 

I've been on this beautiful journey since then.  But for God to do this work in me, He had to bring me through some of my own opinions and FLESH (coping mechanisms apart from Him).  He also had to do a work in me of forgiving the former pastor.  If I wanted to truly know God as He is (Romans 8, Galatians 5:22,23; 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 4) then I had to let go, forgive and let Him bring me to a place of love for the pastor.  A place of peace with that situation.  To have a kind and gentle spirit toward him. 

So, I let go.  God was SO busy working in me that soon, I just moved on from that situation and focused on Him. 

I began to learn why I behaved the way I did.  It was so much about stuff (being a good Christian, the good music, the good speakers- stirring my emotions) and not Jesus.  I was focused more on the stuff of church and the people of the church than I was Jesus.  I didn't really know any better.  When truth began to be taught to me, in kindness and love- it enveloped and encompassed me.  I became confident, not in myself but in Christ.  I began to learn WHO I am because of WHO HE IS and who He made me to be. 

A few weeks ago, God prompted me to pray for several churches, pastors and their families.  As He did, I began to learn that my former pastor- was- I don’t know- going through some changes.  I felt in my spirit this was true and God was saying I need to go to him.  But what was I going to say?  I had dealt with this in my self a long time ago.  But God had not completed it yet.  It needed to come full circle.  Fully in Him. 

I needed his, the pastor’s, forgiveness for my behavior.  I knew now that my behavior was flesh.  Control, anger, my rights….etc etc.  Although I had forgiven him and moved on.  I needed his forgiveness. 

So I told the Lord, “OK, I’ll go.  What do you want me to do?”  He prompt me to get a Sidetracked in the Wilderness by Michael Wells, a book that He greatly used in my life and take it to the pastor.  So, I picked one up from Scott Wolfe (InYou Ministries) and prayed all weekend about seeing the pastor.

On Monday morning, I showed up at his office door.  You can tell he was surprised to see me!  He was very gracious and hugged me.  He was on a conference called and I waited for it to be completed.  When it was time for us to talk I told him I had three things to say/do. 

1) I asked for his forgiveness for my behavior

2) I told him what God has been doing in my life the last 4.5 years

And in the middle of telling him this….

He said, “You’re not going to believe this.  I've been doing a study entitled, “Lord, Change My Attitude”…and God has been doing a great work in me!”

He told me that God has been working in his life the last 6 weeks.  God was bringing hurts and names to his heart of whom he needed to forgive and ask forgiveness from.  He said MY name was on that list.  That for all these years he was so angry toward me.  Every time he thought of me he was angry.  He said all this time he was very embittered toward me.  He said he forgave me about a month ago, and then he asked me to forgive him!

What a time of reconciliation we had!  Oh we laughed, we talked!  It was joyous!  I never felt so good around this pastor.  Before, I was always on edge and intimidated.  But I didn't feel any of this with him.  I went in, only to ask forgiveness- share what God is doing in me- and give him a book.   I held no anger, no resentment- nothing.  God had dealt with that in me, a long time.  Had I felt any of this toward him, God would not have sent me to him.  I know this. 

You see, with this pastor- and myself- back all those years ago- 10 years ago (seriously!)  the ISSUE wasn't the issue!  Oh we locked horns over our OPINIONS- we couldn't give up our RIGHT TO BE RIGHT.  We dealt with each other in intimidation, anger and control.  We are both strong- willed.  Do you see what the REAL issue was???? 

Flesh.  Trusting in our self.  Depending on our own resources instead of God.  It took many years and many trials and tribulations to bring us both to the END of our SELF and to JESUS. 

Now, isn't that a great place to be???

Reconciliation: restore, reunite

  Something that was once united, was broken, now reunited.  Bringing back into harmony.  Restoring.  Brought back together.  Made peace between. 

First, God reconciled us to Himself through Christ.

So then, Be reconciled to God.

We are now ministers of reconciliation.

Be reconciled to your ‘brother’. 

As I was leaving, he took both my hands in his and prayed for me, my family and the church I attend.  Then I laid my hand on my brother and prayed for him- his family and the church he pastors. 

Sweet sweet fellowship.  It was beautiful!

Father,

Thank You for all the STUFF that brought my brother and me to the end of self- and to YOU so that we can be reconciled, restored – reunited.  Your heart is that we are UNITED.  In all ways.  I ask that You bless my brother with YOU.  Fill him with YOU.  I pray he lives in Your Peace and Your Joy, in all circumstances.  I pray that he lives in intimacy and oneness in all his ways- in YOU.  I pray that he lives from YOU.  I ask You to work all things to his good.  That as You are renewing him, transforming him from the inside-out that YOU will flow through him and into others.  May the aroma of You flow continually in him and through him, as he ministers to his family and the congregation he pastors.  Thank you again for him.  Thank you for the sweet time of fellowship we had and I pray continue to have.  Through Jesus, I pray- Amen!