It's the little things...

Macey laying beside me as I read this morning. 

Before....before God began....

Can you believe it's May 11th already? Nick and I have spent all the year so far working in our yard, our house and the buildings- cleaning, repairing, organizing, painting, putting in french drains and gutters, Cody's bathroom, sowing grass, cutting trees, opening the pool- work work work- so that we can spend the summer just enjoying our first grandchild, Roman, who will arrive in less than two months.

Now that most of the work is done (except the chicken coop!) and it's mainly yard mowing from here on out- I am going to start rereading Deverne Fromke's Ultimate Intention again. My goal is to finish it before Roman gets here!

This is the starting question:

"What was God's intention before He began any activity on earth or in the heavens? Let's go back in time- back into God's heart before He began creating anything, back before redemption was even necessary. Let us go back to the "blueprint" stage of His planning."

Have YOU ever wondered what was God's original intention?

That's my prayer for our dear Roman- that he grows up with a real, true understanding and concept of Who God is- and who God created him to be.

My Connie!

I recently used the term "motherless". That I have spent most of my life "motherless". But that isn't the truth. 

I have a mother, Laverne Cleary, that gave birth to me and cared for me for 9 years of my life. She just doesn't live on this earth anymore. She is now with Jesus. And I, too, will join them someday. I love her and miss her but I will see her and we will never be separated again.

And then-

In a great surprise in and around 2004 God brought Connie Beasley into my life (and dear Beas!).

Our relationship has grown so deeply and so filled with Jesus and love that I am not motherless. Oh the void God filled when Connie came into my life. I am a rich woman in so many ways. 

Connie- always a source of encouragement. One who prays for me- intimately with our Lord. Best Friend. She laughs with me, cries with me- hangs out with me. I have learned more about grace, giving, endurance, perseverance, abiding, surrender and love from Connie than anyone. Isn't that what mothers are to teach their daughters by example? 

Father, thank You for the richness and fullness of being loved as a daughter and being able to experience that on this earth through Connie. 

You're a good good Father. 

Happy Mother's Day, my Connie!

A little of this next week!!!

I am really looking forward to THIS next week. 

Trails, Sebastian and Nick biking!

Final night

So- here we are. Final night I'm staying with Dad. It's been a busy yet lovely week all around. 

Life- is changing. For the good. Truthfully, I wish I knew Gail better. But- I don't. All I  know is that I prayed for God to bring someone into my Dad's life that loved Him and him. : )

I'm trusting God that He is in this marriage. Not only is He in the marriage but is the Author of this marriage. For if He is- then for sure and certain He is the Completer and Finisher.  

When you have prayed for your children and then to see them married (as I have one of three) and KNOW that God was the Author of that marriage then there is no trepidation- only excitement. Yes, a vague feeling of emptiness but that is natural and you expect that. 

But- when your Dad who has basically your whole life not been married (but a widow) gets married- it's such different feeling.  I'm not the parent sending my child off into this new world full of my blessings- I AM the child (who has been married almost 28 years) sending my parent, my only parent, off into this new world with my blessing. 

My life here in Kentucky will change no ask You Father to not only give me grace in these changes but BE my Grace.

Grace in me and Grace through me. 

Thank You for Your loving kindness. 

Amen 

Last times...

Karen Kingsbury wrote a poem entitled, "Let Me Hold You Longer", and it brings to the forefront of your mind- the last time you do anything.

The last time you hold your child on your hip.  The last time you change a diaper.  You just never realize the last time you do something.

I've went through that with my kids.  I continue to do that with my kids.  We also have firsts, just like we have lasts.  You can't have last without also having a first.

Is this the last time my Dad and I will be alone in the house together?  That's been ringing through my head a lot.  He's getting married.  I am so happy for him.  I am happy for many of the new firsts he is going to have- and going to experience with Gail.

I do not look to the sorrow but to the joy.

You can't have a last without a first.  Sometimes you have to put yourself aside for the best of another.

Thank You, Jesus for doing that for me.  : )

May 1st

What a way to start the day- a thunderstorm!  Looks like it may be stormy all day : (  I sincerely hope not because we will be travelling all day.  

I'm sitting here at my lovely window- bathroom/study watching the clouds roll by.  The Forrester Sisters are singing, "In the sweet by and by...we shall meet on that beautiful shore".  

I've been preparing for my trip home.  

Nick made a flag out of pallets for my nephew, Ricky and I painted it.
I've been working on a couple of blankets and curtains for my niece Lindsey who is expecting a baby girl a few days before Allison.  

Also gathering wedding supplies for my Dad and Gail's wedding!  

I haven't got Hunter anything for his 21st Birthday!  Maybe I can leave that for Nick and Johnie to do this week since I am going to be so busy.

I'm going  home today.  To Kentucky.  To spend the week with my Dad, to clean his house, to help with wedding preparations.

My sister, Sis, has also been in the hospital this week with bloodclots in her lungs and leg.  So, I'll be checking on her this week too.  

So, we will leave here around 10 this morning.  Nick, Cody and me.  Karen is going to pick up Hunter at Cumberland College and he is going to ride to Knoxville with her.  We will meet at the Cracker Barrell in Knoxville- and I'll go home with Karen.  We plan on stopping to see Sis in Somerset.  

This is my last peaceful moment for at least a week.  I'm sitting here now listening to to Hillsong, Sinking Deep.  Jesus, I breathe in and leaning into Your love.  This is going to be one week so filled with emotions.  Keep me calm in You.  I don't want to believe the subtle lies the enemy, the world or my own flesh may whisper to me- I want to hear You, Truth.  Wrap Yourself around all of me, Lord...and hold me close in You.  

Standing here in your presence
In a grace so relentless
I am won by perfect love
Wrapped within the arms of heaven
In a peace that lasts forever
Sinking deep in mercy's sea

[Chorus:]
I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace
And all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into
Your love, oh, your love

[Verse 2:]
When I'm lost you pursue me
Lift my head to see your glory
Lord of all, so beautiful
Here in you I find shelter
Captivated by the splendor
Of your face, my secret place

[Bridge:]
Your love so deep is washing over me
Your face is all I seek, you are my everything
Jesus Christ, You are my one desire
Lord, hear my only cry, to know you all my life

This may be the last week I ever spend with my Dad, just me and him.  I don't know what the future holds.  I know I have prayed for You to bring someone in his life that loves You, and will deeply love him.  I believe You have.  I don't want him to be lonely.  I want him to have a long marriage where he has much joy, peace, happiness and enduring love.  It's funny.   When you have children, you know that marriage is going to change your relationship with your child- for it is Your will for them to leave and cleave.  But here I am, 46 and expecting this of my Dad.  It's seems like his whole life has been- backwards.  : )  I met a woman at Grace Girls a few months ago that was in her 60's and she had NEVER been married- or intimate with a man.  And she was getting married!  She was radiant.  So it doesn't really matter how old you when you get married- to cleave and bond with another is a joyous time.  I pray this will be an easy transition for Dad and Gail.  I fear it may be difficult but You, Jesus, are the Master of making the difficult, easy.  So, I'll just turn all that over to You.

I'm going to miss my family.  Nick, Allison, Ben, Cody and Johnie.  Sebastian and Macey.  My friends.  I know we can call and text- and Nick and the kids will be there Friday but....I miss them already.  

Jesus...Your love is a song You sing over me.  

"I will give you peace"- I receive Your peace, Jesus.