Amy

Amy,
This morning I was out running with my dog, Sebastian.  As we were running the sun was coming up behind us causing our shadows to run, also, across an old corn field.  I laughed, and said, "Thank You, Lord for this beautiful morning.  This beautiful sunshine. Thank You, that I get to run."

Then I realized what I said, "I get to run."  I laughed again, and thanked God for you, Amy.  Every time I think or say the words, "I get to", you are hand in hand with them.

As I prayed, I realized that so many GET TO run but so few do.  So many GET TO run- do it and are so thankful and grateful that we can.  The exhaustion and the exhilaration.  Sweating out the toxins in our body- working through our thoughts and emotions in our hearts and minds- getting a good cleaning out there also!  How clean we feel inside and out, after a shower!

And God also revealed to me that intimacy with Him is very much like running.  We, as His children, can have intimacy with Him.  But many don't.  And they certainly can't be thankful or grateful for something they don't have.  Intimacy with Him- is exhilaration- and even a cleanliness as we experience His rest, His trust, His fellowship, His grace, His mercy-  Him.  In all His fullness He reveals Himself to us, in us and through us.

And we feel and know we are whole.

I prayed for you, Amy.  I prayed that you experience His intimacy in this moment in your life.  That God's plan for you is not in the future- you are in His plan this very moment.  You were in His plan for your whole and complete healing- 8 years ago.  And this very moment.

I love you, my friend- my sister.  I am so thankful that I  GET TO call you both!  Thank you for allowing God to use you and speak through you- as He chooses.

True

You can know a thing to death and still be completely ignorant of it. 

- from the book, Gilead

Teaching my "almost" adult children ....

Learn from your mistakes early in life. It will save you much heartache and misery. 

Something Beautiful

One of the songs my Mom loved- and we would sing- is:

Something Beautiful by the Gaithers.

As I listen to the words of this song- and the journey I've been on these last few years of God revealing to me some of the things my Mom dealt with in her life- I can see why she loved this song.

My Mom, well, she had a very rough life.  Now, some of it was her upbringing.  She lived in a very difficult time.  Her parents were very poor.  And her mother, I believe, could be quite dominating and controlling at times.

Some of it was by the choices she made.  By the time Mom was 16 she has already left home and had her first child.  The next 14 years + her life was, I would say, a living hell at times.

Around the time she was 30 and met my Dad she already had 5 children.  Two marriages in divorce.  One child she didn't get to raise.
You could say my Mom, had some issues.  And she did.  And like all of us, we children learn a lot of the behavior of our parents (good and bad).  A lot of my anger, fear and depression came from my Mom.  I had no idea how to deal with or control  my feelings- except explosively.  I learned all this by the time I was 9, which 0-9 are the formative years.  The years we are learning and growing how to deal with life.  My Mom, she didn't know any better either.  How can you teach something you don't know?

But after she met my Dad- and they had me- and they got married- and then had my sister Karen- Dad bought a farm in Ky near both of their parents and we (Mom, Dad and 6 kids) moved to Kentucky.  I believe for the first time in my Mom's life she felt safe and settled.  But she still had issues with anger- and fear- and depression.

After moving to Kentucky, Mom started attending the church my Dad's parents attended.  On a Sunday evening, according to her best friend, Glenda Garrett- Mom and Glenda went to the altar and prayed and received salvation and forgiveness of sins.  She placed her faith and her life in Jesus Christ and she received Him.

So I'm sure when she heard this song for the first time, her heart nearly beat out of her chest thinking, "This song, I could have wrote."

My Mom's life was definitely in rags.  But, all of our lives are rags.  Even if you have had the very best upbringing in life- and you have everything you could ever want.  When the end of your life comes- if Someone hasn't exchanged your life for His life- then you will die in your ragged life.  Jesus wants to give you Life.  He wants to exchange your rags for His righteousness.  He wants to give you- Himself.  He wants to change you from the inside out.

And when I read the words to this song, I too, thank God for understanding my confusion.  For taking all I had to give Him, brokenness and strife-

and making something beautiful of my life.

Something Beautiful by the Gaithers:

Something beautiful, something good
All my confusion He understood
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife
But he made something beautiful of my life

If there ever were dreams
That were lofty and noble
They were my dreams at the start
And hope for life's best were the hopes
That I harbor down deep in my heart
But my dreams turned to ashes
And my castles all crumbled, my fortune turned to loss
So I wrapped it all in the rags of life
And laid it at the cross.

26.5 Years

Yesterday was our HALF anniversary- 26.5 years. : ) Wow, time sure has flown by.

The last several days Nick has been transferring our video's onto DVD's and we have watched our children, and ourselves- grow older. We've seen faces and heard voices of those gone on.

I've seen myself before I came into the grace of Jesus. I cringe at times- and then I thank God for His transforming life in me.

I saw where we sat down at the table and had family devotions. The question posed at the table was, "How do we know Jesus lives in us?"

We saw where we were with family in Kentucky and on youth group ministry trips.

I saw friends and family members who have changed so much that I hardly recognize them- and in good ways- and not so good.

But always always, my sweet Nick was there. I am thankful and blessed to share this life with him. Before we got married in 1988 I read a poem and thought- that's what I would like:

GROW old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, ``A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!''
- Robert Browning

And I guess, as we've watched our life in video's these last few days- this song says it best:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTA2buWlNyM

Thanks for living this life with me, Nick Ellison. I know it's not been easy. I know there were times when you thought, "I can't keep doing this with her." (Hopefully that was a LONG LONG LONG time ago!) But your love for me has been sure and intense. I've always felt unconditionally loved by you. Thanks for putting up with my quirky ways- quirky questions- just my quirkiness!

I sure love you!

Thus Far- Streams in the Desert December 31

December 31

Thus Far

"Thus far has the Lord helped us" (I Sam. 7:12).

The words "thus far" seems like a hand pointing in the direction of the past. Twenty years or seventy, and yet "thus far the Lord helped us!" Through poverty, through wealth, through sickness, through health; at home, abroad, on the land, on the sea; in honor, in dishonor, in perplexity, in joy, in trial, in triumph, in prayer, in temptation--"thus far the Lord helped!"

We delight to look down a long road of trees. It is delightful to gaze from one end of the long vista, a sort of verdant temple, with its branching pillars and its arches of leaves. Even so look down the long aisles of your years, at the green boughs of mercy overhead, and the strong pillars of lovingkindness and faithfulness which bear up your joys.

Are there no birds in yonder branches singing? Surely, there must be many, and they all sing of mercy received "thus far."

But the word also points forward. For when a man gets up to a certain mark, and writes "thus far," he is not yet at the end; there are still distances to be traversed. More trials, more joys; more temptations, more triumphs; more prayers, more answers; more toils, more strength; more fights, more victories; and then come sickness, old age, disease, death.

Is it over now? No! there is more yet--arising in Jesus' likeness, seeing the face of Jesus, and sharing fellowship with the saints; and experiencing the glory of God, the fullness of eternity, and infinite joy.  So dear believer, "be strong and take heart", Psalm 27:14, and with thanksgiving and confidence lift your voice in praise, for:

"The Lord who "thus far" has helped you
Will help you all your journey through."

When read in Heaven's light, how glorious and marvelous a prospect will "thus far" unfold to our grateful eyes! --C. H. Spurgeon

The Alpine shepherds have a beautiful custom of ending the day by singing to one another an evening farewell. The air is so crystalline that the song will carry long distances. As the dusk begins to fall, they gather their flocks and begin to lead them down the mountain paths, singing, "Thus far the Lord helped us. Let us praise His name!"

And at last with a sweet courtesy, they sing to one another the friendly farewell: "Goodnight! Goodnight!" The words are taken up by the echoes, and from side to side the song goes reverberating sweetly and softly until the music dies away in the distance.

So let us call out to one another through the darkness, till the gloom becomes vocal with many voices, encouraging God's weary travelers.  And may the echoes grow into a storm of hallelujahs that will break in thundering waves around His sapphire throne.  Then as the morning dawns, we will find ourselves on the shore of the "sea of glass", Revelation 4:6, crying out with the redeemed host of heaven, "To Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever! (Revelation 5:13).

"This my song through endless ages, 
Jesus led me all the way."

AND AGAIN THEY SHOUTED; "HALLELUJAH!" Revelation 19:3
 

Old Times

One of my sons just called to me from their game room- "Mom, ____ is being mean."

I kid you not. Yes, they are 20 and 22.

: ) Feels like old times- all I need to do is close Allison's bedroom door and it really would be like old times. She would spend days like this cleaning and organizing her room.

I bet she is at her little house cleaning and organizing!