I tried so hard!

I wanted to be a "tan" girl but the green in me won out!  Will post pics of the living room when it dries!

Going to church.....

My paternal grandparents, John and Betha Cleary, were devout Christians. I went to church with them until my early teenage years. I didn't really know the God my grandparents knew although I went to church with them, and at 13 or so, I was more interested in my friends and the such. So, I just drifted out of going to church. God just wasn't "real" to me. 

In 1999, my kids babysitter invited my kids to church. Something inside of me just couldn't let my kids go to church without me. Let's be honest here, my Dad didn't go to church with me- and look where I was: 29, a mother of 3, and so many issues I seem to constantly be swallowed up inside of an emotional roller coaster. I had NO idea that my "issues" stemmed from the fact that I did not know this "God"- they were really "spiritual issues"- the lack of having a spirit alive to God. I was really spiritually dead, trying to fill the needs God created me with, with this world, instead of allowing Him to fill only what He can fill. In short, I was a mess. 

So, I went to this little church, that just loved on my kids. And they loved on me. I listened. Jesus began to speak into my heart. I bought a Bible and began to read it. In March of 2000 I knelt on my bedroom floor and said something like this, "Jesus, I don't really know You. I'm not even sure what I'm doing right now. All I know, is my heart is aching in me and I don't know what to do about it. Please forgive all my sin and come into my heart. Make me clean. I can't keep going on like this. I just know You are the only One that can do anything about this. I love You and thank You."

As the months started to pass and I kept going to the little church with my kids- I began to sense SOMETHING REALLY DID HAPPEN THAT MARCH MORNING! I was different. I have been on the greatest and best journey of my life since then, this journey in Jesus!!!!

Friends, your time is now, too. God is always standing ready to reveal Himself to you. That friend or babysitter or whomever invited you to go to church with them, GO. The best place, for me, in the beginning to get to KNOW, this God, Jesus- was in church. Being with those that spoke Truth into me through preaching, teaching, laughing, praying, fellowship, worship- many many ways. 

And I'm sure if you asked my Dad, he would say, "I'd give anything if I could go back again and take ALL MY GIRLS to church." Because if my Dad had took me to church- and REALLY KNEW JESUS, I wouldn't have waited so long to know Him and my kids would have known Him from the time they were conceived. My early years and their early years would have looked A LOT different. 

Don't live your life waiting until you are 66 (like my Dad) to really know and live in this Jesus. Real and true Life. Because the life you live without Him- it's isn't really life at all. It's empty filler until you die- and then what?

Ready or not.....

Well, it was COLD when I went out for my final LONG LONG run before the marathon.   Colder than the last LONG LONG run!  : )

So, I really had to bundle up.  Two socks (running socks and soccer socks, thanks to my son-in-law Ben!), jogging pants, running pants.  Two wicked long sleeve shirts, and a hoody.  Two pairs of gloves.  AND a scarf to cover my mouth.  I really need a face mask.  I also had a toboggan on and I needed two.

Sweat and cold and wind.  : (

I went out with no pace and no time.  Just run to finish.  I didn't stop my watch any either when I drank water or refilled my water or ate.  Or stretched.

But seriously, running long distances IS BORING!

Pain.  It just comes with it.  It wasn't as bad this time.  My right foot hurts worse when I am not running.  I think it's tendinitis.  My left foot was wrapped along with my left knee.  No major pain, nagging from time to time, but not major- so I am thankful! Two ibuprofen before and three after, which is mainly to head off inflammation.

And my watch was dying about mile 20.  I don't know if it will last a full marathon.  I will be GREATLY upset if it does not.  Too much money paid of it to not last more than a year~!

Before I ran this morning I got prepared.  My snack bag consisted off ritz bits with cheese and snickers and water.  NO mountain dew this time.  It nearly killed my stomach last time.  I don't drink sodas much so I was thinking the caffeine would help.  DUMB.  So just water this time, it's what I drink all the time anyway!

Afterward, I had my clothes set out for after my epsom/vinegar bath and coffee set for a hot drink!  Like I said, wind-cold-sweat NOT a good combo!

I am satisfied with my run.  It's done!  So goal accomplished!  

Now, I will start tapering down.  Next Saturday will be 15 miles.  The following 12 miles.  And three weeks from tomorrow is the marathon.

So, I guess I better register huh?  ; )

Heart Surgery!!!!!

Once upon a time I believed and would say, "My heart is so wicked and deceitful!" I was actually taught that my heart was wicked and deceitful, even as a believer! 

But when Jesus begin to speak Truth into me, this is what He said to me:

Ezekiel 11:19
And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh,

Ezekiel 36:26
Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

I live in the time that Jesus has said, "“It is finished!”

Romans 10: 9-10 9 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

Now, because of the Cross, Christ gave me a new heart and dwells in my NEW heart! Ephesians 3

Now, I can do the will of God from my new heart- Ephesians 6:6

Now, the peace of God (Jesus!) guards my heart! - Philippians 4:7

Now, my heart is encouraged in love and the wealth that come with full assurance and understanding "resulting in a true knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Colossians 2:2-3

Now, the peace of Christ rules in my new heart and the word of Christ dwells richly in me. - Colossians 3:15-16

Now, the Lord directs my heart into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ. -2 Thessalonians 3:5

Now, I can refresh others hearts in Christ. - Philemon 1:20

Now, Christ is sanctified as Lord in my heart. - 1 Peter 3:15

So, if you are a believer- you no longer have that wicked and deceitful heart you were born with! Live from the Christ that has given you a new heart and where He lives in you!

Hope

"At first I wasn't sure. But yesterday I'm pretty certain I caught her glance as she was passing by. Noticing my eyes following her, she stopped and turned. We stared at each other, for nearly a minute. The she smiled, as if in on a story and series of events only she and I could fully appreciate. "Worry not, my friend. I'm not leaving. I'm circling back around for effect and a dramatic entrance. I"m here now. This current darkness is about to lift." I asked for her name. She said, "I wanted to be Joy. But it was already taken. My name is Hope." I voluntarily choked up as I barely got out these words: "I've missed you...more than you can know." She smiled again, kindly speaking directly in my eyes. "I doubt it...Now, cut the chitchat. I've got a dramatic entrance to make."

- John Lynch, On My Worst Day

You DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!

I'm going to be honest with you all. I do not have it all together. There are some days I let one word or one look or one circumstance to cause me to go in a "funk". My sunny mood turns blue and my emotions begin to roller coaster. I go from being angry with that person or circumstance to burying myself in condemnation (as the enemy of my soul, dumps more condemnation on me). 

"Nobody really loves me. Nobody really cares about me. Nobody really appreciates me. Nobody values me. I'm worthless. Who would love me? Who would really care about me?" 

Every time I go in a "funk"- that's where I let my mind race toward. Those are the core lies I believe about myself and others.

Then I would go, "God, why would you give this whacked out person these three great kids who I'm going to mess up? Why would you give me such a man like Nick? There are so many better moms and wives."

My core lies I believe about God are these: God is not really good and He created me worthless and of no value to Him or anyone else. 

I didn't really believe God is Who He says is and I am who He says I am. 

But today, when that one word or one look or one circumstance presents itself- and it WILL because God doesn't want me to live with a false concept of Who He is- He will, for the rest of my life, allow these things so the lie can exposed and TRUTH lived from!- it may take an hour or day or maybe a weekend but no longer the depth or the length or the width or height as before because this the truth:

God loves me. He is truly Good. He has come to heal my brokenness so that I may LIVE. I am no longer in condemnation, that's a lie from the enemy who wants to draw me away from my Jesus. (Romans 8:1) I have great worth and value, how much? Well, He gave His Son for me. I wouldn't give my son for anyone. Nobody has as much worth to me as my children. But to God, the Father, I do. 

God wants me and YOU to know how much He loves us. He wants us to REALLY know Him. He wants us to find our life and PEACE in Him. He wants us to believe Him, not be an unbelieving believer. That He is Who He says He is and He does what He says He will do and I am who I am because He has created me anew- in Him! 

And He wants you to know this:

Ephesians 3
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

You don't HAVE to live in that roller coaster. You don't HAVE to let a word or a look or a circumstance to send you in a spiral of shame, condemnation, fear, anger- whatever it may be. How freeing is that? 

YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

I'll stay in His love...or I'd perish

"I'm holding the bread, taking communion this morning. I voluntarily asked myself, "Could I leave this? Could I do without this God, this faith, this life, all that has come to my soul with Jesus?" I'm asking the horribly scary question I might usually avoid, but now desperately needed to know my answer. Quickly, this came back, "Without Jesus, I can't make sense of anything. Forget heaven for a moment. Nothing today could hold my interest that long, nothing could push back the absurdity and stop the emptiness if he is not real and near. Thirty years ago, there were so many other things I could have devoted myself to and fought valiantly for. I now have a life beyond anything I ever imagined. But without Jesus, none of it would hold me. He is the only meaning giving value to every other relationship, and why I'd dare to get out of bed and face the horrible things I know may come to me.
So I take the bread and then the cup. I not only have nowhere else to go. I cannot face the rest of this day without his love, his life, his intimate knowledge of me, his risking to carry my name and give me his. I'll stay in his love....or I'd perish. Besides, he paid too much. It's not up for grabs."

- John Lynch, On My Worst Day