2 Years Ago

Starla Ellison

November 18, 2014 · Spartanburg ·

You know, I am pretty proud of my kids. There were times I was told I was too hard on them. And- I was. When God began to speak His grace and love into me 6 years ago, I really began to change on the inside and I began to teach and treat my children different because I was different on the inside. I was 38 and had already been a Christian for 8 years. (Goes to show you can be a "good" Christian and still not let God change YOU (as He wants to change you) from the inside out- until you come to the end of your self.)

But I look at my kids- my imperfect kids- and realize, WOW they are only 20, 22 and 24 and they know Jesus in a way I never even thought about at their age. They are more "put together" than I ever was. They are more aware than I ever was. Who do I give this credit to? Certainly not me- me who was so crazy chaotic on the inside for so many years. I do give some to Nick, he's always been so steady! But the One Who really deserves all the credit? God.

My children are going to have children some day- and face WAY more challenges than we did as a parent but they have something we didn't- Jesus, Who is their Life and lives within them. They have the Father, Who is their ultimate Parent. They have the Spirit, Who is their Counselor and Teacher.

I have to say, the best thing Nick and I ever did was be very involved WITH our teens in the youth group. They had a wonderful youth pastor with whom they are still close friends with today. Nick and I are still close friends with him! Our philosophy was this, "Yes, the "rocking" youth group is fun. Yes, the "active" youth group is fun. Yes, "sports" are fun. Yes, all the "extra curricular" activities are fun. Yes, "going out with friends" is fun. There is SO much fun! But what's the most important thing? When our kids are in their 20's, 30's, 40's and beyond- what happens when all the "fun" is gone and life gets hard and monotonous? Did they learn Who God really is? Do they know who He created them to be? Do they trust Him? Have intimacy with Him? Are they extending His love, joy, peace, grace and kindness to others? Is this what they are being taught by us and our church leaders?"

Maybe Nick and I had an advantage. Maybe our messy lives before Christ made us realize what IS most important- Jesus. We knew that life wasn't fair, it wasn't perfect, it wouldn't always work out like we wanted it to. We also knew that filling our kids up with "candy" would not satisfy them and eventually make them sick. They are "meat and potatoes" kind of kids!

When I look back I do have regrets as a parent and a believer. I would have focused our family more on knowing Christ intimately, of truly being His body on this earth- serving others through love, friendship, kindness and grace. I would have been more supportive of how God wanted to express Himself through each of them, uniquely. I would tell my kids- constantly- who they are in Christ. Loved, holy, righteous, saints, forgiven, complete, accepted, secure, significant, His child, His friend, inheritor, united with Him, redeemed, salt, light, a branch, His temple, a vessel, seated with Him in the heavenlies, hidden in Him- and always direct access to Him (you can't get any closer, He lives IN your new heart and new spirit!).

To sum it all up, someday my children- and yours- are going to go through things so hard, so devastating, so LIFE. Where do you want them to turn in those times? Nothing. No one. Can truly meet their inner needs except God. Only He can give them real and true and lasting Peace. Joy. Love. Life. Because that's Who He is. He can be Himself in them.

Roman and Esse

4 months old

He does today and He will tomorrow.

For by Him (Jesus)
ALL THINGS
were created,
both in the heavens
and
on earth,
visible and invisible,
whether thrones or
dominions or
rulers or
authorities—
ALL THINGS have been created
THROUGH Him and FOR Him.
JESUS is before all things,
and IN JESUS all things hold together.
-Colossians 1:16-17

He does today and He will tomorrow.

Whom then will I fear?

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. 17 He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. 18 He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything. 19 For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, 20 and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.

Colossians 1

16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

                                 2 Corinthians 4

On this night, before the election, I think to 8 years ago.  I hope the outcome is different this time but I am not optimistic.  I can't help but be sad and downcast.  I know what has happened to our country the last 8 years and I dread seeing it over the next 8.  

I'm finding it hard to "fix my eyes on Jesus."  That's about as honest as I can get.  You know why?  Because I've allowed things of this temporal world encumber me.  I've allowed my self to be overwhelmed by things of this world.  

Jesus didn't.  His focus was always on the eternal ( oh Jesus, THE Eternal One!).  For He knew the eternal kingdom is always the upmost and real kingdom.  When He was being mocked, laughed at, yelled at, unbelieved, beaten, ridiculed- He was always fixed on the Father and the eternal kingdom.  Nothing distracted Him from His eternal purpose- me, my salvation, my transformation, my new life, my new future.  

I'm listening to a book, a true story, about a Jewish family- a German Jewish family.  A family that had to leave their homeland, was imprisoned, seen friends and family taken away and killed and finally escaped to Cuba and then eventually America.   They were a people totally unwanted.  And in many ways, the Jews still are.  

I hear the stories so many people have went through.  And many have went through some horrendous, unfathomable things.

And I think, where are You in all this God?  Are You a joke?  Are You really real?  How can You allow all this?

Again, in all honestly, I do not have the answers.  I don't know why He allows what He allows.  Why He permits what He could prevent.  

I find myself doubting Who God really is.  

All these crazy emotions about an election.  But...it's more than that.  I know that satan, too,  has a plan.  Sometimes it feels like his plans succeed more than God's, A LOT.  And I think, why do You let him God?  I doubt God's goodness.  I doubt His love.  I doubt "He cares for you."  

I guess it scares me, makes me uncomfortable to think my "comforts" may be taken away.  I can see that in America's future.  I can see that the Christians may be rounded up.  I can see the Christians going through intense persecution.  I see that there are less real believers now in America.  So I can see my fellow American's turning against me because of who I am:   child of God, believer, Christian.  I can see the next administration intensifying this persecution.  And it scares me.  It scares me for my children and grandchildren.  

But this God, my God, the only real true God- is He really for me?  Does He really care about me?  You know what all this sounds like?  It goes back to my core lies about God:  that He is distant, emotionally absent, preoccupied, untrustworthy because I am worthless, no value to Him.  

Maybe God allows these that govern our country JUST SO I won't put my trust in them?  Maybe He thinks I put too much value and concern on things of this world instead of Him?  

When I draw my last breath, and my spirit is leaving my body and I will be with Jesus face-to-face will all the stuff I am so concerned about be of ANY value?  Only in the sense that I didn't allow it to be my focus.  

Father, Father, I acknowledge to You that I have allowed this election to be my focus today.  I have allowed the election and it's outcome to fill me with fear.

  "Fear not, Starla, I will never leave nor forsake you."

  "Lay it aside, my daughter- run the race I have set before you fixed on Jesus, the Author- Originator, Beginner of FAITH and the Perfecter, COMPLETER, Finisher of Faith.  Otherwise, daughter, you will grow weary and lose heart."

  "Do you believe this?"

I believe, Jesus, but help my unbelief.  Align me once again, unto You, Lord.  Let me see with Your eyes.  Help me to look past the temporary and be firmly implanted in the eternal.  To walk in the eternal not the temporary.  In You alone, Lord Jesus, I find my rest.  Amen.  

O Love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee; I give thee back the life I owe, That in thine ocean depths its flow May richer, fuller be. O Light, that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to Thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, That in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day May brighter, fairer be. O Joy, that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to Thee; I trace the rainbow through the rain, And feel the promise is not vain That morn shall tearless be. O Cross, that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from Thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead, And from the ground there blossoms red Life that shall endless be.

A foreboding fear....

What will she bring to our country?

With Bill Clinton and Obama as Presidents we have more rights and freedoms taken away. And this woman was one of the driving forces. 

When Nick and I began our family health insurance was very affordable. If you work, then the company offers healthcare insurance at a good price. This was before companies and the government got so much control of the doctors and hospitals. Which were actually more affordable also. Now, the company Nick works for- it's $193 a week. A two day stay at the hospital (including doctors and surgery) was $80000. In the US Nick's bloodclot meds is $350 a month- but we get it from Turkey and it's $50 a month. Thank you Hillary and Obama for the affordable healthcare act. I guess it's affordable for those that don't work because it isn't affordable for those of us that do. 

I really would love to see a President that is proud of be an America and loves the citizens. 

Many of the companies have left (especially in smaller counties and communities) to go to other countries so they can pay the employee's less. Thank you Bill Clinton for NAFTA!

But I think, the most harmful- and deceptive things I have seen in these years is more and more putting the American people under the thumb of the government. Making them dependent on the government. Deceiving their thinking that the government should supply all their needs and wants. The government should provide housing, income, education, healthcare, food and even cellphones. Make the people dependent. This has resulted in more people depending on the government than actually working to provide this for themselves. We have generations of people living like this. 

What happens to a country when more people are dependent on the government providing than more people are working?

There is now a lack of a proud hard work ethic in America. People don’t want to work. They don’t want to work hard. They don’t want to do a good job when they do have a job. They expect to just show up and get paid- to do half a job. 

When I am tired of vacuuming or mopping or dishes or laundry or making beds or cleaning bathrooms- I think of my Mom before she met my Dad. She had 4 children in the home, a husband that mostly absent much less provide- and instead of getting any form of government assistance she took in laundry, she ironed for people. She said she wouldn’t take hand-outs. Man, what happened to that way of thinking???? My Mom’s strong-will, hard work-ethic got me through many many many hours of cleaning other people’s houses. 

What happened?

And what about the breakdown of the family? If you are married you pay more taxes. So you get no benefits from the government for being married. Now, our government has redefined what has been since the beginning of man. Marriage-one man and one woman. Now, anything goes. How does this affect the children? And don’t tell me it doesn’t because it does. A father has a specific role in a child’s life. A mother has a specific role in a child’s life. When this stability is not there- there is unbalance. When a child does not have the daily love, guidance, nurturing and discipline from both Mom and Dad then there is a lacking. And I know this is true, I was raised by a single Dad. Although my sister’s, aunt and Grandma stepped in and helped the best they could, they were not my Mom. I desperately needed her. That empty need fueled me to be the Mom I needed and wanted. The same goes for a child raised by a grandparent or grandparents. How different a child’s life would be if Mom and Dad were there together daily from breakfast to tucking in at night. 

I am personally tired of the destruction of America by our government by slowly bringing the people to more and more dependency on the government while also teaching them to hate eachother and our country. Fueling racial unharmony. Redefining marriage, the foundation of families. Putting more and more financial burdens on those that work. Enslaving us by more and more “laws”. 

I don’t even know what’s going to happen if she gets in office. All I know is these last 8 years have burdened us so much more. Yep, Obama brought change alright.

9" Copper Skillet

I bought this copper skillet at Ollie's for $10.  And I love love love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure, life is messy- but that doesn't mean you have to wallow in it!

There are so many ways God speaks to us through babies. Watching little Roman, God has spoke Himself to me over and over.

One thing recently stands out:
A baby cries when his/her diaper needs changed.
Why? Well, it's uncomfortable. And babies are all about being comfortable and comforted.

What did God say to me through a messy diaper?

"If you choose to cry and wallow in the mess you are going to be uncomfortable, you are going to be discouraged, you are going to be lost in your own self and mess."

All you can think about...well, is the MESS.

Jesus came to clean up our mess. He came to clean up your mess.

It's up to you whether or not you believe and receive.

"I came that you have life and have it abundantly"- Jesus
By the way, that "life" is His. He had to die so you could live and have "life", His.

He came to "set free the oppressed", "set free from the body of death", "set free from the law of sin and death", "set free from slavery"-

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.- Galatians 5:1

He came to set you free from the slavery of the mess!

Are you crying about and wallowing around in your self and mess? If He lives in you then you will never be comfortable in it. Never. Because He fought and won for you. Mess is not who you are. Not anymore.

Galatians 5:22-23 is Who is in you now.
The question is whether or not you have allowed Him to be.

God, Himself, is my Home

The following is one of my all time favorite devotionals from Streams in the Desert:

Have you found God, Himself, to be your Home? Does your soul soar and rest, oh sweet rest, in Christ alone?

Nothing Satisfies
The deep says, ‘It is not with me.’ And the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’—Job 28:14 NET

I remember a summer in which I said, “It is the ocean I need,” and I went to the ocean; but it seemed to say, “It is not in me!” The ocean did not do for me what I thought it would. Then I said, “The mountains will rest me,” and I went to the mountains, and when I awoke in the morning there stood the grand mountain that I had wanted so much to see; but it said, “It is not in me!” It did not satisfy. Ah! I needed the ocean of His love, and the high mountains of His truth within. It was wisdom that the “depths” said they did not contain, and that could not be compared with jewels or gold or precious stones. Christ is wisdom and our deepest need. Our restlessness within can only be met by the revelation of His eternal friendship and love for us.—Margaret Bottome

“My heart is there!
’Where, on eternal hills, my loved one dwells
Among the lilies and asphodels;
Clad in the brightness of the Great White Throne,
Glad in the smile of Him who sits thereon,
The glory gilding all His wealth of hair
And making His immortal face more fair
THERE IS MY TREASURE and my heart is there.

“My heart is there!
’With Him who made all earthly life so sweet,
So fit to live, and yet to die so meet;
So mild, so grand, so gentle and so brave,
So ready to forgive, so strong to save.
His fair, pure Spirit makes the Heavens more fair,
And thither rises all my longing prayer
THERE IS MY TREASURE and my heart is there.”
—Favorite poem of the late Chas. E. Cowman

You cannot detain the eagle in the forest. You may gather around him a chorus of the choicest birds; you may give him a perch on the goodliest pine; you may charge winged messengers to bring him choicest dainties; but he will spurn them all. Spreading his lofty wings, and with his eye on the Alpine cliff, he will soar away to his own ancestral halls amid the munition of rocks and the wild music of tempest and waterfall.

The soul of man, in its eagle soarings, will rest with nothing short of the Rock of Ages. Its ancestral halls are the halls of Heaven. Its munitions of rocks are the attributes of God. The sweep of its majestic flight is Eternity! “Lord, THOU hast been our dwelling place in all generations.”—Macduff.

“My Home is God Himself”; Christ brought me there.
I laid me down within His mighty arms;
He took me up, and safe from all alarms
He bore me “where no foot but His hath trod,”
Within the holiest at Home with God,
And bade me dwell in Him, rejoicing there.
O Holy Place! O Home divinely fair!
And we, God’s little ones, abiding there.

“My Home is God Himself”; it was not so!
A long, long road I traveled night and day,
And sought to find within myself some way,
Aught I could do, or feel to bring me near;
Self effort failed, and I was filled with fear,
And then I found Christ was the only way,
That I must come to Him and in Him stay,
And God had told me so.

And now “my Home is God,” and sheltered there,
God meets the trials of my earthly life,
God compasses me round from storm and strife,
God takes the burden of my daily care.
O Wondrous Place! O Home divinely fair!
And I, God’s little one, safe hidden there.
Lord, as I dwell in Thee and Thou in me,
So make me dead to everything but Thee;
That as I rest within my Home most fair,
My soul may evermore and only see
My God in everything and everywhere;
My Home is God.
—Author Unknown

You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
Oh Jesus, You bring joy to my soul.
You are more than my heart could ever express.

You can have all this world....

But give me.....

12 Hours

Yesterday was probably one of the longest work days I have had in quite awhile.  12 hours.  3 jobs.  Two houses and one office.  I left my house at 9:15 yesterday morning and got home last night at 9:15.  The day before I had a house and two offices.  I got home after 9:30 the night before.  

During hunting season- which is from September to January here in South Carolina- I clean hunting clubs.  I only clean two and it's usually only once or twice a month.  Sometimes I can just go in and do general cleaning.   Other times, when hunters stay all night I have to clean the sheets.  Yesterday at one of the hunting clubs I stripped, washed/dried and made up 9 beds.  Two sets of bunk beds.  Yep.  We all know how fun those are!

Two months.  Then it will all settle down.  

The week before Thanksgiving and until Thanksgiving- is going to be so so crazy.  I dread it now and it's two weeks away.  

I've been cleaning 17 years this month.  I never never thought this would be my 'career'.  But it's the best job that worked out for my kids and the pay is much better than what I would make in most other places.  I have to work my body hard, true.  I have to deal with my own taxes and all that comes with being self-employed, but....it's really all worth it.  

When we lived in Kentucky I worked in the sewing factories- Fruit of the Loom and Osh Kosh.  I also worked at Dollar General.  I've worked since I was 17- holding a paying job.  But before that it was my sister Karen and I always had our housework, we also worked in cucumbers in the summer, we also babysat.  Then we worked in peppers after school in the fall.   Karen and I worked the summers in the hospitals, cleaning.  Then I got hired on when I got married, to work in the office.  From there I went Fruit of the Loom, Dollar General to Osh Kosh.  When Cody was 6 months old we moved to SC for Nick to work a new job.  This was super hard but one of the BEST things that ever happened to us.  

I did not work from April 1993 to summer 1995.  By then I had Johnie and I started working at little restaurants here in our area, waiting tables.  Nick worked nights, I worked days.  We had no family to help us out here so we had to do what we could with our 3 children.  Then finally in November 1999 I started cleaning and built my little business up from there.  I started cleaning because it's what I could do while the kids were in school and I could pick them up at school.  I never wanted my kids to come home to a lonely dark house after school like I did after my mom died.  

I've had one house for 16 years (I clean this house twice a week and it's more like my second home- I do more than clean here, it's like family), another for 14.  The offices and hunting clubs are related to house I've cleaned for 16 years.  The offices and hunting clubs I've been cleaning from  8 years.  

My body is getting weary with cleaning.  Last year I let go of 3 homes.  I am so glad I did.  I loved the people but the work really is hard.  It was just too much.  I know the fall season is super busy for me.  I don't know if next year I will clean the hunting clubs or not.  I don't know how much longer I want to work at night.  But there's really not much I can do to make the money I make for the hours I work.

I think every day, "What do I want to do with my life?"  Well, if it was up to me- I'd probably be some sort of farmer.  I'd love to work the land and it produce something I could sell for income.  But that's easier said than done.  I also know that's hard physical work, but I love being outside and I love being HOME.   I'd love to do more counseling- but I'm not charging for that.  I don't know.  So, I just keep doing what needs to be done.  Trusting God.  Holding close to Jesus.

I can't imagine NOT doing something.  Not working with my hands.  My big, hardworking hands.  I don't have pretty hands but I love them.  They aren't manicured.  But they are strong and tough.  LOL and the right one hurts!  : )  Well, amen.  That old ulnar nerve!

I can't and am not complaining.  I love my life.  I love the great peace.  I love that Jesus is my life and my peace and my HOME.  But sometimes I feel like sometimes that life is living me.  Working to pay that next bill- but I'll be honest with you- I love and greatly am thankful to God that that next bill IS paid.  I am grateful that our- Nick and my- big ole hands can find work- extra work.  We do what it takes- right now, after Nick's regular job he is stripping wallpaper off and painting two bathrooms for an older handicap couple in our church.  He isn't making much money but it's hard to find a handyman for smaller jobs and Nick is good at that.  He's such a blessing.  So, together, we work hard.  We do what it takes.  I am so so blessed.  Thank You, Father.  

So...that's my life.  Today I will do odds and ends I need to do.  I have to clean my own house!  Pay bills!  Take care of my chickens.  Water my some of my garden.  Oh Lord, we need rain.  I'm getting worried.  I've got 10-14 coming for Thanksgiving weekend and I hope our well has enough water.  We need rain so so bad.  Allison and Roman are coming after lunch to sew some blankets for Allison's nieces for Christmas.  Then the young lady I am counseling comes tonight.  

But for now...I'm going RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 1

November 1, 2015 at 6:55am ·

November 1 is All Saint's Day! So, if you are a saint- one that is holy and righteous through the blood of Jesus Christ- the One that came to set the captive free, put to death that which is corrupted and gave you a brand new you- then my sister, my brother- celebrate!
I hear a LOT of people say I'm a Christian but I don't really go to church- well, guess what- the Church isn't a building! It's the saints! It's the blood cleansed women and men of God- it's a living and active body and Jesus is the head of the Body.

BE WITH the rest of the Body- if you are a believer, a saint, and not being WITH the rest of the Body then you are missing out. You're not being fed, nourished, encouraged, exhorted and lifted up.
Today- be with the rest of the Body. Worship together the One that has given us life.
BE WHO YOU ARE- A SAINT!

November 1, 2011 at 8:43am ·

Has your heart been enlightened? Do you know the hope of God's calling in your life? Do you know what your inheritance is because you are now a child of God? The greatest riches God has to give His children is His Son. Jesus, enlightens and illuminates our heart. God's calling in my life? To have deep and abiding fellowship and oneness with His Son, Jesus. My inheritance? Jesus. My riches? Jesus. “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,” Ephesians 1:18 NASB


November 1, 2011 at 8:26am ·

November 1, 2010 at 3:50pm ·

If not us then who? If not now then when?- Ronald Reagan. Tomorrow as a proud American I get to exercise my right to vote. I am thankful for all the men and women who gave their time and lives so I may be a free American and have this right!